Rejection happens to all of us whether we are experienced in dating or not. It doesn't matter how genuine, how smart, or how attractive of a guy or girl you are because there will always be people who will reject you despite your efforts to attract them. Rejection can be very painful and can cause us to give up on trying to date for fear of facing the pain of rejection. My blog will give tips on to how to handle rejection.
Despite what your friends think and what the media tells us, everyone gets rejected by a special person at one point in their lives. The biggest mistake you can make is believing that by being rejected, your character, strengths, abilities, characteristics, and person as a whole has been completely shunned when that is not true at all. It's just that we are not a compatible soul-mate for that particular person you are trying to date. Don't pay any attention to those who make fun of you by saying that you have no skills in dating, there are important factors to understand. There may be nothing wrong with your personality, character, the way you act, talk, smile, or look. It's simply that the special person you were attracted to did not have the same attraction to you. Do not blame or hold it against them for the simple fact that there was no chemistry involved. Just because you were rejected by one person does not mean that you will always be rejected by every person you ask out, however it would be helpful to reflect on certain qualities about your character and seek improvement.
Accept and love yourself for who you. Have confidence in yourself as a human being and hold your head up high before you begin to reflect on the things you may need to improve on. Perhaps your appearance need to be changed just slightly or maybe you need to be more joyful. You may need to have more confidence, respect, compassion, love, humility, kindness, or sincerity. Most of all, be yourself and never attempt to be someone your not. How do you treat yourself? How do you treat others? Do you respect others and care for them? Are you responsible for your actions? Do you hold others in high regard? Do you listen rather than talk over or interrupt someone? If you don't value the other person more than yourself, there is a huge chance that they won't do the same for you. Keep in mind that there may be nothing wrong with you, it may just be that the other person is immature in having unrealistic expectations or simply dislikes some of the qualities you have. Think on these things and focus on improving yourself after you have been rejected so that you can work towards increasing the likelihood of getting a date next time.
Hopefully, these tips will give you the wisdom in finding a potential life-partner. Do not dwell too long on the pain of rejection, there are plenty more fish in the sea. Focusing too much on one person will cause you to miss the opportunity to share love with another person who comes along the way. Rejection happens to the best of us, so when it does happen, remember to keep moving forward in hope that you will find the one that was meant to be.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
My story of rejection by an Episcopalian girl
What i experienced had been dramatic and personal perhaps more than any other issue in dating. This girl may or may not be reading this, but if she recognizes who i'm speaking of, i want her to know that this experience involved various aspects of my life and character. Should i have moved on from rejection? Yes, but this kind of rejection was unlike any other.
It all began when i sat in a high school cafeteria with a couple of friends and i noticed a girl sitting by herself not far from me. She was pretty and looked at me as we smiled at each other. I was hesitant to speak to her because i was afraid of facing rejection or having yet another person lost from my life since i was recently recovering from previous broken relationships. I asked myself "What if i get hurt in the end?"..."What if one day, we will have to part ways?" I did not want to deal with it, so i said nothing for the first few days.
One of her friends gained my attention with his humor and slowly, but steadily, we became friends after a bit awkwardness. I introduced myself and soon learned more about her. She explained her religious beliefs since it was the topic which came to mind first. We both came from different denominations..she was Episcopalian...i was non-denominational. We had our debates every once in a while on Biblical subjects as i let her use my Bible for reference. From then on, we laughed and conversed on a variety of subjects. I wanted to stay friends, but deep within myself...i started developing strong feelings for her. I tried to deny them and rid myself of them, telling myself that i had unrealistic expectations.
Days passed as they kept growing stronger. I was genuinely falling in love with her as i longed to hold her in my arms and caress her hair. I loved her smiles, laughs, charming behavior, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, and generosity. My heart beat faster at the thought of her. I wanted to spend at least 45 minutes with her during our lunch break because every minute counted. I had finally found a special person which satisfied my desires in a life-long partner. I asked for her number, even though the moment was awkward, nevertheless she was flattered. She gave me her email instead which was good enough for me. It was as we happily walked to our classes..that she told me that she didn't know if she could be happy...my joyful smile turned into deep and serious concern that seemed to intimidate her because i did not like her unhappiness. Despite my feelings, i also had a colder and depressing feeling that one day...things would not turn out the way as i had hoped for and that we would have to part ways.
I had soon learned through email that she had critical genetic diseases. I became very hurt and comforted her. I was going to tell her that i would make a bold commitment to bring her happiness and later, fueled by emotion..i would get down my knees to tell her that i would work hard to create a scientific cure for her. I didn't care what people thought of me, i only cared about what she thought of me. The daydreaming stopped when i realized that i was just one human being who could not change certain circumstances and so, i encouraged her to turn to her faith. My feelings grew to the point where it hurt me to think of all the time that was passing by. I knew i had to tell her one way or another, even though i fought hard to keep them inside. In a way, we were very different and i had doubts as to whether two people from different backgrounds could ever fall in love. As i sat laid back against a seat in a moving car through one gloomy night, i conversed with my mother as to whether an evangelical Christian could date someone from a different denomination. I was a bit of distressed at her responses as i attempted to find answers within the Bible itself. Nevertheless, i had doubts that a loving God would prevent me from dating another Christian, seeing that we both believe in most of the same Biblical teachings. The only difference is that i was very "extreme" in my faith and she wasn't. As i had appreciated the things she shared with me, i simply wanted to sit next to her and tell her how i truly felt about her as i starred into her eyes, but i did not want to draw attention to myself and embarrass her, so i decided to tell her through the internet.
Truthfully, i would do whatever it took to date her. I would come all the way to her house and look her parents in the eyes to show my honesty, determination, loyalty, and respect to turn their daughter into my girlfriend. I would have taken her around places where we would share our common interests.
I was hesitant and did not want to at first, but i mustered up the courage to do so. I told her of all my feelings that i had for her. I waited for about 2 weeks for her to reply until one day, she told me that she appreciated me sharing my feelings for her, but her parents were controlling her life. She could only date until she turned 18 and told me that she wasn't ready to date. She seemingly made closure, but i couldn't accept it. I knew there had to be an explanation for all of this. I waited for her the next few days alone at the same place where we had spent all of our time together...she never showed up, but i did not give up because the question which kept racing through my mind over and over again was "why?"
I walked to where she was before classes started and tried to talk with her. She seemed very distant from me as evidenced by her folded arms and lack of motivation to speak to me, i had wanted to ask questions and speak about what had happened because i could not accept it. She simply told me that she had homework to do and so i let her be. I tried again and again to have a minute alone with her, but she seemed to be intimidated by me. I wrote her an email with no success, however, i would not give in. My sister was in the same class as she was..i figured that she stopped reading my email messages because of what i told her, so i figured she would have to listen if i got my sister to speak to her on my behalf.
I got her to deliver a letter i wrote to her regarding the situation and in response, she simply told me that she could not date me because of differences in age and encouraged me to move on, but she never wanted to speak to me again. I somehow knew that she did not want to read it because she knew that i was still trying to find a way to date her. The moment i read it...i was in pain, crying out "why?!" I spent a lot of time reflecting on what she had told me, but i could not handle the pain. If only i had paid more attention to that cold, dark feeling that everything was not going to go well, if only i had planned more carefully..the outcome would've been different. I had hoped that we could at least been friends once more, that she would just come back and talk to me again. I couldn't stand the pain and chose to rid myself of the letter by throwing it at a school trash can. If i were to forget about it, i wanted to leave the memories buried at the school we went to.
I did not believe her explanation and i don't think i ever will because knowing her, i still believe that it was her parents that influenced her to make such a decision to not speak to me...to me, she said that out of desperation because she could not bear to see me suffer or continue our friendship, knowing that there was no chance of me becoming her boyfriend. I did not blame her at all...i blamed those who caused the undesired outcome. I was angry, believing this circumstance could have changed if it weren't for certain social behaviors. Whenever i left my classroom, i knew...she was behind me, so i covered my head with a hood because i was emotionally hurt, angry, and did not want to cause her anymore grief.
I started to slightly change as my heart grew colder since i had lost respect for society as a whole for creating such mistaken ideas that separated me..from her. I woke up to the same routine day after day, going to the same school, dealing with the same pain over and over again. I tried to cope with the pain of not being able to see her until i went looking for her just to see if she was still there...she was...just far away from me....as she sat outside. I didn't know how to handle the truth and pain as i went back inside a bit devastated. I thought i could see her following behind me, but in a way, she stopped and seemingly wandered around, as if she wanted to tell me something. We had occasionally passed each other as if we never met..as if nothing ever happened..i could not let that happen..so i felt uneasy when i came near her and made causal glances.
The year was coming to an end and very immature high school students decided to pull an "end of the year" high school prank by filling balloons with urine, semen, and fecal matter to throw at students. From that point on, chaos emerged. I was only worried about what had happened to her in my mind...was she ok? Was she safe? Did anyone put their hands on her? If i had to, i would run through the crowds to protect her from any harm done even if it meant breaking school rules. Deep inside me, i said "Forget these rules! Things are already bad enough as they are of now.....these students are almost starting a riot and these are toxic substances which are very unsanitary for the public health as the school board goes on with business as usual! They should have done something about it a long time ago..." No matter what happened, i did not want anyone laying a finger on her, but once again, i respected her too much to even ask if she was ok as she passed me.
It was almost the end of the year and opportunities came to participate in the graduation ceremony for seniors. I did not think of myself, i wanted her to see me graduate, but i didn't attend the ceremony..i had lost hope that she would, perhaps she would just look away and pretend that i didn't exist. I planned to leave high school with no desire to be awarded, admired, or praised for my achievements, since i had no respect..only contempt for society, knowing that it was because of people like her parents that stopped me from being successful in having her...i wanted nothing to do with the school anymore..only to be done with it. I started to see her more often. In a way, i felt that she was trying to send a message. As i waited for my bus at a stop, she stood with her friends in front of me a few feet away. I did not believe it was an accident, but on purpose as if to say that she moved on...she had found new friends....had new experiences...and at one instance, i recall catching her staring at me as she seemingly was blushing. She looked so lovely with the sun shining down on her as i stared back at her.
I wanted to see her again....I just wanted to talk to her once more, even if i couldn't be her boyfriend, i still wanted to be her friend...There came a point where i couldn't take the grief, so i tried to erase her name from the paper she gave to me with her email written on it. No matter how hard i forced myself to completely rid myself of it...i simply couldn't, my hand would not even erase the first letter. To some, it is an act of desperation, but within myself, i was in a way being loyal to her. Although we may never see each other again and despite the sadness and pain i faced...i was happy to have her in my life...and it made me happy just to see her smile...She had a whole life ahead of her and so did i.....even if she never reads this...at least deep inside i somehow feel that.....she smiled back at me...as a way of saying.....good-bye....
It all began when i sat in a high school cafeteria with a couple of friends and i noticed a girl sitting by herself not far from me. She was pretty and looked at me as we smiled at each other. I was hesitant to speak to her because i was afraid of facing rejection or having yet another person lost from my life since i was recently recovering from previous broken relationships. I asked myself "What if i get hurt in the end?"..."What if one day, we will have to part ways?" I did not want to deal with it, so i said nothing for the first few days.
One of her friends gained my attention with his humor and slowly, but steadily, we became friends after a bit awkwardness. I introduced myself and soon learned more about her. She explained her religious beliefs since it was the topic which came to mind first. We both came from different denominations..she was Episcopalian...i was non-denominational. We had our debates every once in a while on Biblical subjects as i let her use my Bible for reference. From then on, we laughed and conversed on a variety of subjects. I wanted to stay friends, but deep within myself...i started developing strong feelings for her. I tried to deny them and rid myself of them, telling myself that i had unrealistic expectations.
Days passed as they kept growing stronger. I was genuinely falling in love with her as i longed to hold her in my arms and caress her hair. I loved her smiles, laughs, charming behavior, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, and generosity. My heart beat faster at the thought of her. I wanted to spend at least 45 minutes with her during our lunch break because every minute counted. I had finally found a special person which satisfied my desires in a life-long partner. I asked for her number, even though the moment was awkward, nevertheless she was flattered. She gave me her email instead which was good enough for me. It was as we happily walked to our classes..that she told me that she didn't know if she could be happy...my joyful smile turned into deep and serious concern that seemed to intimidate her because i did not like her unhappiness. Despite my feelings, i also had a colder and depressing feeling that one day...things would not turn out the way as i had hoped for and that we would have to part ways.
I had soon learned through email that she had critical genetic diseases. I became very hurt and comforted her. I was going to tell her that i would make a bold commitment to bring her happiness and later, fueled by emotion..i would get down my knees to tell her that i would work hard to create a scientific cure for her. I didn't care what people thought of me, i only cared about what she thought of me. The daydreaming stopped when i realized that i was just one human being who could not change certain circumstances and so, i encouraged her to turn to her faith. My feelings grew to the point where it hurt me to think of all the time that was passing by. I knew i had to tell her one way or another, even though i fought hard to keep them inside. In a way, we were very different and i had doubts as to whether two people from different backgrounds could ever fall in love. As i sat laid back against a seat in a moving car through one gloomy night, i conversed with my mother as to whether an evangelical Christian could date someone from a different denomination. I was a bit of distressed at her responses as i attempted to find answers within the Bible itself. Nevertheless, i had doubts that a loving God would prevent me from dating another Christian, seeing that we both believe in most of the same Biblical teachings. The only difference is that i was very "extreme" in my faith and she wasn't. As i had appreciated the things she shared with me, i simply wanted to sit next to her and tell her how i truly felt about her as i starred into her eyes, but i did not want to draw attention to myself and embarrass her, so i decided to tell her through the internet.
Truthfully, i would do whatever it took to date her. I would come all the way to her house and look her parents in the eyes to show my honesty, determination, loyalty, and respect to turn their daughter into my girlfriend. I would have taken her around places where we would share our common interests.
I was hesitant and did not want to at first, but i mustered up the courage to do so. I told her of all my feelings that i had for her. I waited for about 2 weeks for her to reply until one day, she told me that she appreciated me sharing my feelings for her, but her parents were controlling her life. She could only date until she turned 18 and told me that she wasn't ready to date. She seemingly made closure, but i couldn't accept it. I knew there had to be an explanation for all of this. I waited for her the next few days alone at the same place where we had spent all of our time together...she never showed up, but i did not give up because the question which kept racing through my mind over and over again was "why?"
I walked to where she was before classes started and tried to talk with her. She seemed very distant from me as evidenced by her folded arms and lack of motivation to speak to me, i had wanted to ask questions and speak about what had happened because i could not accept it. She simply told me that she had homework to do and so i let her be. I tried again and again to have a minute alone with her, but she seemed to be intimidated by me. I wrote her an email with no success, however, i would not give in. My sister was in the same class as she was..i figured that she stopped reading my email messages because of what i told her, so i figured she would have to listen if i got my sister to speak to her on my behalf.
I got her to deliver a letter i wrote to her regarding the situation and in response, she simply told me that she could not date me because of differences in age and encouraged me to move on, but she never wanted to speak to me again. I somehow knew that she did not want to read it because she knew that i was still trying to find a way to date her. The moment i read it...i was in pain, crying out "why?!" I spent a lot of time reflecting on what she had told me, but i could not handle the pain. If only i had paid more attention to that cold, dark feeling that everything was not going to go well, if only i had planned more carefully..the outcome would've been different. I had hoped that we could at least been friends once more, that she would just come back and talk to me again. I couldn't stand the pain and chose to rid myself of the letter by throwing it at a school trash can. If i were to forget about it, i wanted to leave the memories buried at the school we went to.
I did not believe her explanation and i don't think i ever will because knowing her, i still believe that it was her parents that influenced her to make such a decision to not speak to me...to me, she said that out of desperation because she could not bear to see me suffer or continue our friendship, knowing that there was no chance of me becoming her boyfriend. I did not blame her at all...i blamed those who caused the undesired outcome. I was angry, believing this circumstance could have changed if it weren't for certain social behaviors. Whenever i left my classroom, i knew...she was behind me, so i covered my head with a hood because i was emotionally hurt, angry, and did not want to cause her anymore grief.
I started to slightly change as my heart grew colder since i had lost respect for society as a whole for creating such mistaken ideas that separated me..from her. I woke up to the same routine day after day, going to the same school, dealing with the same pain over and over again. I tried to cope with the pain of not being able to see her until i went looking for her just to see if she was still there...she was...just far away from me....as she sat outside. I didn't know how to handle the truth and pain as i went back inside a bit devastated. I thought i could see her following behind me, but in a way, she stopped and seemingly wandered around, as if she wanted to tell me something. We had occasionally passed each other as if we never met..as if nothing ever happened..i could not let that happen..so i felt uneasy when i came near her and made causal glances.
The year was coming to an end and very immature high school students decided to pull an "end of the year" high school prank by filling balloons with urine, semen, and fecal matter to throw at students. From that point on, chaos emerged. I was only worried about what had happened to her in my mind...was she ok? Was she safe? Did anyone put their hands on her? If i had to, i would run through the crowds to protect her from any harm done even if it meant breaking school rules. Deep inside me, i said "Forget these rules! Things are already bad enough as they are of now.....these students are almost starting a riot and these are toxic substances which are very unsanitary for the public health as the school board goes on with business as usual! They should have done something about it a long time ago..." No matter what happened, i did not want anyone laying a finger on her, but once again, i respected her too much to even ask if she was ok as she passed me.
It was almost the end of the year and opportunities came to participate in the graduation ceremony for seniors. I did not think of myself, i wanted her to see me graduate, but i didn't attend the ceremony..i had lost hope that she would, perhaps she would just look away and pretend that i didn't exist. I planned to leave high school with no desire to be awarded, admired, or praised for my achievements, since i had no respect..only contempt for society, knowing that it was because of people like her parents that stopped me from being successful in having her...i wanted nothing to do with the school anymore..only to be done with it. I started to see her more often. In a way, i felt that she was trying to send a message. As i waited for my bus at a stop, she stood with her friends in front of me a few feet away. I did not believe it was an accident, but on purpose as if to say that she moved on...she had found new friends....had new experiences...and at one instance, i recall catching her staring at me as she seemingly was blushing. She looked so lovely with the sun shining down on her as i stared back at her.
I wanted to see her again....I just wanted to talk to her once more, even if i couldn't be her boyfriend, i still wanted to be her friend...There came a point where i couldn't take the grief, so i tried to erase her name from the paper she gave to me with her email written on it. No matter how hard i forced myself to completely rid myself of it...i simply couldn't, my hand would not even erase the first letter. To some, it is an act of desperation, but within myself, i was in a way being loyal to her. Although we may never see each other again and despite the sadness and pain i faced...i was happy to have her in my life...and it made me happy just to see her smile...She had a whole life ahead of her and so did i.....even if she never reads this...at least deep inside i somehow feel that.....she smiled back at me...as a way of saying.....good-bye....
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