Women and sexuality

In our society, men are widely praised for their sexuality while women are revered mostly for their purity. Men are stereotyped as crazed sex fiends and women are emotional creatures. While this may seem like common sense, it isn't. You can't just group one group of people together and draw a conclusion without considering the diversity of possibilities.

How do stereotypes form? Psychologically, it's due to a "fill in the blanks" approach. For anything people don't understand, they make up by associating it with similar values or ideals. Men and women have been oppressed because of mistaken views of gender. Misunderstandings then lead to things such as hate crimes against either sex. If a woman mentions a sexual fantasy, she is automatically branded a slut while men are encouraged to sleep with her. Why the double standard?

While this may seem far from the norm, i support a new age of sexuality for women and men alike. I support women who are sexually open to their deepest desires and sensuality. If a woman wants to masturbate, twerk, strip, pose nude, etc. go for it. She's not a slut or any less human. It doesn't mean i am degrading her for my own self male ego. Women shouldn't be told to their good for sex, but they also shouldn't be told that they're only defined by their personality. Mind, body, and soul ought to exist as one. There's nothing wrong with women expressing one of the deepest urges in human nature as long as no one's hurt.

Sexuality is something that is ought to be celebrated whether you are a virgin or not, single or married, and so forth. Sadly, most people shame others for it. Women ought to pride themselves in what makes them feel sexually attractive. It's simply a forced ideal that women care more about emotions before sex. Women who are in tune with their sexual prowess want sex for the same reasons men desire it. Their desires may differ from men's but that's the beauty of human diversity. Some women love sex, some don't. Some like oral sex, some don't. Some love foreplay and others hate it. No matter how "strange" people find it, no woman asks to get raped or humiliated.

Taken into perspective, men and women ought to embrace their sexuality. If we are to co-exist in a world of harmony, we must be open to understanding one another and cast out our pre-conceived notions.

What i find attractive in women:

Attractiveness to me is more than just appearance. It's a mindset and an attitude. That being said, here's a list of traits i find most attractive in women:

* Physical attractiveness - It's a plus for me but not the driving force. If i am to pursue a deeper relationship with someone, i must find them physically appealing. They don't have to be models. In fact, i'd rather them not be. Models invest too much time in looking perfect and i know it's all in an illusion. Average looks are fine with me.

* Talent - Having a passion or a hobby is very attractive. This can be anything from reading, writing, sports, etc. I love the idea of women devoting themselves to what they love most.

* Intellect - I find intelligent women to be highly attractive. I don't mind flirting, teasing, laughing, talking about popular fashion or shows but i'd prefer sitting at a table and having an intelligent discussion. It can range anything from art, music, politics, religion, science, philosophy, and so on. I want to engage in thought-provoking dialogue and ponder the grandeur scheme of things. If i'm not familiar with a particular topic, i'll admit it and listen with open ears.

* Confidence - It doesn't have to be perfect, but it also shouldn't be completely non-existent either. I don't want to hear self-degrading comments. I love a woman who can stand her ground in the face of opposition and who believes in herself.

* Honesty - A woman who can speak her mind without fear is worth keeping. She will help you realize certain flaws and strengths you may not realize within yourself. A woman doesn't need to be intimidating, simply speak the Truth.

* Humor - She doesn't need to be a successful comedian, but she should love to laugh. Talking to someone who is serious all the time is a turn off. It makes them unapproachable. Someone who playfully teases me, jokes around, and so forth is very easy to love. A great sense of humor goes a long way.

* Sexiness - While this isn't a requirement, being sexually attractive makes sex easier to get into. A woman can be as beautiful as can be but if she isn't sexually appealing, i'm not going to be turned on. A woman who is comfortable being sexy and in her body is attractive. She knows she's a sex object, but an individual with a great body.

* Respect - This is a must have. Respect is a line that should never be violated regardless of the circumstances. Crossing that boundary will make me easily lose attraction fast.

Tips on preventing cheating

Cheating is a common problem among many couples both young and old. It's glamorized in many movies and shows today but shamed in the real world. Cheating is a very serious offense both physically and emotionally. Many homicides are committed by ex-lovers involved in scandals. It can damage your reputation and destroy your trust. Nevertheless, there is help before you do something you'll regret.

* Admit that your attracted to another -

You may be afraid and deeply concerned that your developing strong feelings towards another person other than your current partner. It's completely normal. We are not hardwired for just one person. You shouldn't feel guilty that you have someone else in your mind. Realize that eventually at some point in life, the attraction will fade.

* Talk with your partner about your attraction - It might seem scary and ridiculous at the thought of telling your partner that he or she isn't the only one in your heart. Many people fear that if he or she opens up about any sort of attraction towards another special person, their relationship will end. Truthfully, this isn't the case. If you talk to your partner about the person your attracted to, it displays honesty and trust. It shows that you love and care about your partner enough to seek help before cheating happens. If your partner is understanding and loving, he or she will help you prevent cheating rather than blame you. In order for this to be successful, you must choose your words very carefully. Don't make it sound as if you already cheated to prevent misunderstanding.

* Advocate for your own needs and wants - You must be in tune with your desires in a relationship in order to advocate for them. Know what you want and then express them to your partner. In order for any relationship to work, both partners must attend to each others desires.

* Establish effective communication - Sometimes, we fail to honestly say how we truly feel about one another. It can be very easy for partners to misunderstand one another which is why conversations are important. We're not mind readers. We must communicate through words to express ourselves. Sometimes, a partner can be so occupied with work for instance and leave you feel like he or she doesn't love you when he or she thinks otherwise. Everyone has their own unique ways of showing love and in some cases, people can be confused as to what their partner truly wants. Be sure to let your partner know about your own desires and see how they react.

* Establish healthy boundaries - If someone is acting inappropriately towards you, be sure to let him or her know that you are married and won't tolerate that behavior. As for your partner, make agreements as to how you will interact with other people to avoid potential cheating. If you find yourself on the verge of violating your relationship with an extra-marital affair, distance yourself from all situations and people that tempt you until it wears away.

* Don't excuse cheating - If your partner isn't meeting your desires, it's time to end the relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. There is no motive to "get their attention" by cheating as that can easily be done by breaking up with them. Find someone else who will fulfill your desires.

With patience, love, and understanding - a couple can overcome obstacles such as cheating. Let me know your thoughts below and subscribe.

How to be secure in your sexual orientation

Whether your straight, bisexual, lesbian, gay, pansexual, whatever - you've probably found yourself violating your own principles. You find yourself attracted to someone or something completely forbidden. Your afraid and begin to question if you ever were straight or gay in the first place. You begin to be afraid of what your parents, spouse, friends, and other family members would think of you. Slowly, you begin to fear the thought of changing your sexual orientation. You may hide self conflicting thoughts by celebrating your straight or LGBT pride, hoping that it will go away only to find that it doesn't. If you are insecure in regards to your sexuality, your not alone. Although i'm straight, i've struggled with all sorts of sexual desires namely other men. From experience, i'll share just a few tips on how to overcome this anxiety.


* Admit the problem - Admit that your attracted to whatever it is your trying to deny. Guys, it's ok to admit that your attracted to other guys. Girls, it's ok to admit that your attracted to other girls. Stop trying to hide it and pretend that it doesn't exist. The sooner you can be honest with yourself, the sooner you can find ways to resolve internal conflict.

* Realize sexual orientation is a choice - Being straight or LGBT is a choice. Just because you feel gay, doesn't make you so. You are of a sexual orientation by choice. While being "born that way" plays a role, your sexual choices determine who you ultimately are. Think about answering this question: Who do you plan on being in a relationship with a guy or girl, multiple people, etc.? When you find the answer within yourself, your one step closer to being secure in your sexuality.

* Attraction is temporary - Any "forbidden" attraction will eventually fade or be significantly reduced. Just because you have sexual fantasies in conflict with your sexual orientation, doesn't mean you'll act on them. Accept that it's a normal part of being human. Fantasize about whatever it is you deem a big no no. I know it seems scary and crazy, but it works. When you sexually fantasize on the things that you feel goes against your standards, you become less afraid knowing that it is only a fantasy. It has no power over you unless you grant it.

* Accept that questioning is normal - When we "come out" as gay or bisexual or any other orientation, we tend to think that our identity is already established. This is wrong. Your identity can never be established by one single incident. Coming out of the closet is only the beginning. You will face many problems namely doubt later in life. The beauty of it all is that you will never stop learning more about yourself, including your sexuality.

* Get support - It's normal to question and express yourself. If you have friends or family whom you identify with, talk to them about your feelings. If they condemn you for being a "phony" according to their politically correct standards, it's time to find others who'll accept you.

* Change your outlook on gender - If you struggle with a identity crisis, it's time to redefine your perceptions of who women and men are. No matter what, we are biologically hardwired to find people in general attractive. Society often tells us how men and women ought to behave and we adopt these ideas without realizing it. Stop looking to others for approval and look within yourself. You can compliment a person without having your masculinity or femininity threatened. Feel free to express your own individuality.

* Stop labeling yourself - Thinking "oh what if i was never gay in the first place? What if i was always straight?" only worsens the situation. When you try to diagnose yourself with a problem, your contributing to it. There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to redefine yourself based on what a community outlines. You are your own unique person and so, you should embrace what makes you different.

Just because you find a certain someone attractive be it a lesbian, gay man, straight guy or gal, etc. doesn't make you any less of a person. We all have doubts about who we are but eventually we learn how to overcome our deepest fears. Take a breath of fresh air. Enjoy life when you see that you can have an unusual attraction, laugh it off, and continue being yourself.