Saturday, December 19, 2015

How to be secure in your sexual orientation

Whether your straight, bisexual, lesbian, gay, pansexual, whatever - you've probably found yourself violating your own principles. You find yourself attracted to someone or something completely forbidden. Your afraid and begin to question if you ever were straight or gay in the first place. You begin to be afraid of what your parents, spouse, friends, and other family members would think of you. Slowly, you begin to fear the thought of changing your sexual orientation. You may hide self conflicting thoughts by celebrating your straight or LGBT pride, hoping that it will go away only to find that it doesn't. If you are insecure in regards to your sexuality, your not alone. Although i'm straight, i've struggled with all sorts of sexual desires namely other men. From experience, i'll share just a few tips on how to overcome this anxiety.


* Admit the problem - Admit that your attracted to whatever it is your trying to deny. Guys, it's ok to admit that your attracted to other guys. Girls, it's ok to admit that your attracted to other girls. Stop trying to hide it and pretend that it doesn't exist. The sooner you can be honest with yourself, the sooner you can find ways to resolve internal conflict.

* Realize sexual orientation is a choice - Being straight or LGBT is a choice. Just because you feel gay, doesn't make you so. You are of a sexual orientation by choice. While being "born that way" plays a role, your sexual choices determine who you ultimately are. Think about answering this question: Who do you plan on being in a relationship with a guy or girl, multiple people, etc.? When you find the answer within yourself, your one step closer to being secure in your sexuality.

* Attraction is temporary - Any "forbidden" attraction will eventually fade or be significantly reduced. Just because you have sexual fantasies in conflict with your sexual orientation, doesn't mean you'll act on them. Accept that it's a normal part of being human. Fantasize about whatever it is you deem a big no no. I know it seems scary and crazy, but it works. When you sexually fantasize on the things that you feel goes against your standards, you become less afraid knowing that it is only a fantasy. It has no power over you unless you grant it.

* Accept that questioning is normal - When we "come out" as gay or bisexual or any other orientation, we tend to think that our identity is already established. This is wrong. Your identity can never be established by one single incident. Coming out of the closet is only the beginning. You will face many problems namely doubt later in life. The beauty of it all is that you will never stop learning more about yourself, including your sexuality.

* Get support - It's normal to question and express yourself. If you have friends or family whom you identify with, talk to them about your feelings. If they condemn you for being a "phony" according to their politically correct standards, it's time to find others who'll accept you.

* Change your outlook on gender - If you struggle with a identity crisis, it's time to redefine your perceptions of who women and men are. No matter what, we are biologically hardwired to find people in general attractive. Society often tells us how men and women ought to behave and we adopt these ideas without realizing it. Stop looking to others for approval and look within yourself. You can compliment a person without having your masculinity or femininity threatened. Feel free to express your own individuality.

* Stop labeling yourself - Thinking "oh what if i was never gay in the first place? What if i was always straight?" only worsens the situation. When you try to diagnose yourself with a problem, your contributing to it. There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to redefine yourself based on what a community outlines. You are your own unique person and so, you should embrace what makes you different.

Just because you find a certain someone attractive be it a lesbian, gay man, straight guy or gal, etc. doesn't make you any less of a person. We all have doubts about who we are but eventually we learn how to overcome our deepest fears. Take a breath of fresh air. Enjoy life when you see that you can have an unusual attraction, laugh it off, and continue being yourself.

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