For over many years, i reflected on what it means to "move on" from a past broken relationship. I've failed to create one with a girl i knew back in high school. I feel somewhat ashamed not being able to "move on" in the sense of putting the past behind me. Nevertheless, no matter how much i tried to erase the memory of her from my mind...i could not do it because that's not what moving on means to me. The pain that i felt when i couldn't date her is gone, but the memory still haunts me in a way which is why i refuse to go back to the same school where it happened. I still think about her, not remembering the troubles we had, but cherishing her and the special moments we shared.
Going back to a time when we had our own debates on the world, after one in particular, she had become offended by my line of reasoning and i noticed by her harsh tone of voice. The next day, as i sat down in front of her in a cafeteria, she suddenly said "..I'm sorry.." Surprised, i paused and asked "Why?" She looked very ashamed and confessed "...for being so brutal..." Why? Why apologize to me after a day when most would forget? I admired that about her because none of my friends have such a mentality and even more because i highly respect a person who doesn't fear to face the consequences of their actions.
This was before i had stronger passionate feelings for her. When i did, after i had confessed them to her and tried sending her a letter, she replied "..I wouldn't have replied anyway, but i feel obligated to give an explanation...you have been under the illusion that my refusal to date you was for a general reason...I'm just too young for you.." She tried to make it clear to me earlier. "Your too old..." she told me. How could i not have seen it? I was blind, overlooking age is a mere number. Why can't people past my appearance and recognize me for who i truly am? As a deeply spiritual human being, i had prayed to God for a vision of the future and became heavily disappointed. I saw both of us in parted ways within a gloomy darkness. At that moment, i had felt that it wasn't that God disapproved of the relationship, it was that our very different backgrounds would prevent us from dating. In truth, she gave me the reality and i couldn't accept it. I loved that quality of her very much because she sought reality and wisdom, never placing me above authority.
Nonetheless, i was angry to the point where i refused to attend the graduation ceremony, the time where i should've felt so much pride in my accomplishments and success. I was angry at the people who preached about achieving the "American Dream." An older man once told me "Education is there to help you spread your new ideas.." How dare he tell me that? The same people claiming to defend freedom of speech are the same people who tried to brainwash me to accepting their traditional idealism. They preach about individualism as if there was an endless number of possibilities as to who you could become, something that was obviously not true. I would've gone, regardless if she were my girlfriend or willingly rejected me, i simply wanted to someone to share my accomplishments with, but society as a whole stole that from me. I could probably imagine the principal and my teachers cheering me on as i rose to a quite high level of academic excellence, but if that is what success means, i want no part of it. I refused to be the individual wearing a cap and gown, smiling as i carry my diploma and shaking hands. After knowing that our relationship isn't even illegal and opposing my new ideas, now they want to talk to me about success? It's not selfish since they all did this for me right? If i am to fall in failure then let it be known that i'm the man who fought against an illusion of success perceived as reality. I walked into the school a few days later, took my diploma from a lonely office, and walked away.
In the end, moving on means not forgetting, but remembering the valuable moments that have happened and embracing the experiences that i gained. It means that i cherish every moment of it until there comes a day when i reach a point where i can let go as i am submerged within completely new experiences.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Is it meant to be?
Some girls have been in my mind...those whom i could not date based on uncontrollable circumstances. People have taken them right out of my grasp perhaps out of fear and a lack of understanding. I cannot seem to tolerate this injustice, is it something within the cosmos that has not corrected itself or simply some sort of emptiness inside my own heart, seeking justice to fill the void?
I had committed myself to stand against all opposition, no matter how great to stand up for what i firmly believed in, to stand up against those who seek to tear us apart. I had fallen in defeat and despair before the words "you cannot change fate, if your not meant to be with someone, it's not meant to be.." It took a lot of energy out of me, nevertheless, i stood up in defiance..to fate...and all other doubting minds. I wanted to make my relationship work.
Sadly, things did not go in my favor. The words i said are irreversible. I cannot change them, even if i wanted to. I cannot erase the outcome of unfortunate circumstances. There are many thoughts in my mind, i am trapped inside this present time, unable to see the future, the outcome of events. I am left with one simple question, asking "Is it meant to be?.."
I had committed myself to stand against all opposition, no matter how great to stand up for what i firmly believed in, to stand up against those who seek to tear us apart. I had fallen in defeat and despair before the words "you cannot change fate, if your not meant to be with someone, it's not meant to be.." It took a lot of energy out of me, nevertheless, i stood up in defiance..to fate...and all other doubting minds. I wanted to make my relationship work.
Sadly, things did not go in my favor. The words i said are irreversible. I cannot change them, even if i wanted to. I cannot erase the outcome of unfortunate circumstances. There are many thoughts in my mind, i am trapped inside this present time, unable to see the future, the outcome of events. I am left with one simple question, asking "Is it meant to be?.."
Thursday, September 5, 2013
How to deal with rejection
Rejection happens to all of us whether we are experienced in dating or not. It doesn't matter how genuine, how smart, or how attractive of a guy or girl you are because there will always be people who will reject you despite your efforts to attract them. Rejection can be very painful and can cause us to give up on trying to date for fear of facing the pain of rejection. My blog will give tips on to how to handle rejection.
Despite what your friends think and what the media tells us, everyone gets rejected by a special person at one point in their lives. The biggest mistake you can make is believing that by being rejected, your character, strengths, abilities, characteristics, and person as a whole has been completely shunned when that is not true at all. It's just that we are not a compatible soul-mate for that particular person you are trying to date. Don't pay any attention to those who make fun of you by saying that you have no skills in dating, there are important factors to understand. There may be nothing wrong with your personality, character, the way you act, talk, smile, or look. It's simply that the special person you were attracted to did not have the same attraction to you. Do not blame or hold it against them for the simple fact that there was no chemistry involved. Just because you were rejected by one person does not mean that you will always be rejected by every person you ask out, however it would be helpful to reflect on certain qualities about your character and seek improvement.
Accept and love yourself for who you. Have confidence in yourself as a human being and hold your head up high before you begin to reflect on the things you may need to improve on. Perhaps your appearance need to be changed just slightly or maybe you need to be more joyful. You may need to have more confidence, respect, compassion, love, humility, kindness, or sincerity. Most of all, be yourself and never attempt to be someone your not. How do you treat yourself? How do you treat others? Do you respect others and care for them? Are you responsible for your actions? Do you hold others in high regard? Do you listen rather than talk over or interrupt someone? If you don't value the other person more than yourself, there is a huge chance that they won't do the same for you. Keep in mind that there may be nothing wrong with you, it may just be that the other person is immature in having unrealistic expectations or simply dislikes some of the qualities you have. Think on these things and focus on improving yourself after you have been rejected so that you can work towards increasing the likelihood of getting a date next time.
Hopefully, these tips will give you the wisdom in finding a potential life-partner. Do not dwell too long on the pain of rejection, there are plenty more fish in the sea. Focusing too much on one person will cause you to miss the opportunity to share love with another person who comes along the way. Rejection happens to the best of us, so when it does happen, remember to keep moving forward in hope that you will find the one that was meant to be.
Despite what your friends think and what the media tells us, everyone gets rejected by a special person at one point in their lives. The biggest mistake you can make is believing that by being rejected, your character, strengths, abilities, characteristics, and person as a whole has been completely shunned when that is not true at all. It's just that we are not a compatible soul-mate for that particular person you are trying to date. Don't pay any attention to those who make fun of you by saying that you have no skills in dating, there are important factors to understand. There may be nothing wrong with your personality, character, the way you act, talk, smile, or look. It's simply that the special person you were attracted to did not have the same attraction to you. Do not blame or hold it against them for the simple fact that there was no chemistry involved. Just because you were rejected by one person does not mean that you will always be rejected by every person you ask out, however it would be helpful to reflect on certain qualities about your character and seek improvement.
Accept and love yourself for who you. Have confidence in yourself as a human being and hold your head up high before you begin to reflect on the things you may need to improve on. Perhaps your appearance need to be changed just slightly or maybe you need to be more joyful. You may need to have more confidence, respect, compassion, love, humility, kindness, or sincerity. Most of all, be yourself and never attempt to be someone your not. How do you treat yourself? How do you treat others? Do you respect others and care for them? Are you responsible for your actions? Do you hold others in high regard? Do you listen rather than talk over or interrupt someone? If you don't value the other person more than yourself, there is a huge chance that they won't do the same for you. Keep in mind that there may be nothing wrong with you, it may just be that the other person is immature in having unrealistic expectations or simply dislikes some of the qualities you have. Think on these things and focus on improving yourself after you have been rejected so that you can work towards increasing the likelihood of getting a date next time.
Hopefully, these tips will give you the wisdom in finding a potential life-partner. Do not dwell too long on the pain of rejection, there are plenty more fish in the sea. Focusing too much on one person will cause you to miss the opportunity to share love with another person who comes along the way. Rejection happens to the best of us, so when it does happen, remember to keep moving forward in hope that you will find the one that was meant to be.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
My story of rejection by an Episcopalian girl
What i experienced had been dramatic and personal perhaps more than any other issue in dating. This girl may or may not be reading this, but if she recognizes who i'm speaking of, i want her to know that this experience involved various aspects of my life and character. Should i have moved on from rejection? Yes, but this kind of rejection was unlike any other.
It all began when i sat in a high school cafeteria with a couple of friends and i noticed a girl sitting by herself not far from me. She was pretty and looked at me as we smiled at each other. I was hesitant to speak to her because i was afraid of facing rejection or having yet another person lost from my life since i was recently recovering from previous broken relationships. I asked myself "What if i get hurt in the end?"..."What if one day, we will have to part ways?" I did not want to deal with it, so i said nothing for the first few days.
One of her friends gained my attention with his humor and slowly, but steadily, we became friends after a bit awkwardness. I introduced myself and soon learned more about her. She explained her religious beliefs since it was the topic which came to mind first. We both came from different denominations..she was Episcopalian...i was non-denominational. We had our debates every once in a while on Biblical subjects as i let her use my Bible for reference. From then on, we laughed and conversed on a variety of subjects. I wanted to stay friends, but deep within myself...i started developing strong feelings for her. I tried to deny them and rid myself of them, telling myself that i had unrealistic expectations.
Days passed as they kept growing stronger. I was genuinely falling in love with her as i longed to hold her in my arms and caress her hair. I loved her smiles, laughs, charming behavior, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, and generosity. My heart beat faster at the thought of her. I wanted to spend at least 45 minutes with her during our lunch break because every minute counted. I had finally found a special person which satisfied my desires in a life-long partner. I asked for her number, even though the moment was awkward, nevertheless she was flattered. She gave me her email instead which was good enough for me. It was as we happily walked to our classes..that she told me that she didn't know if she could be happy...my joyful smile turned into deep and serious concern that seemed to intimidate her because i did not like her unhappiness. Despite my feelings, i also had a colder and depressing feeling that one day...things would not turn out the way as i had hoped for and that we would have to part ways.
I had soon learned through email that she had critical genetic diseases. I became very hurt and comforted her. I was going to tell her that i would make a bold commitment to bring her happiness and later, fueled by emotion..i would get down my knees to tell her that i would work hard to create a scientific cure for her. I didn't care what people thought of me, i only cared about what she thought of me. The daydreaming stopped when i realized that i was just one human being who could not change certain circumstances and so, i encouraged her to turn to her faith. My feelings grew to the point where it hurt me to think of all the time that was passing by. I knew i had to tell her one way or another, even though i fought hard to keep them inside. In a way, we were very different and i had doubts as to whether two people from different backgrounds could ever fall in love. As i sat laid back against a seat in a moving car through one gloomy night, i conversed with my mother as to whether an evangelical Christian could date someone from a different denomination. I was a bit of distressed at her responses as i attempted to find answers within the Bible itself. Nevertheless, i had doubts that a loving God would prevent me from dating another Christian, seeing that we both believe in most of the same Biblical teachings. The only difference is that i was very "extreme" in my faith and she wasn't. As i had appreciated the things she shared with me, i simply wanted to sit next to her and tell her how i truly felt about her as i starred into her eyes, but i did not want to draw attention to myself and embarrass her, so i decided to tell her through the internet.
Truthfully, i would do whatever it took to date her. I would come all the way to her house and look her parents in the eyes to show my honesty, determination, loyalty, and respect to turn their daughter into my girlfriend. I would have taken her around places where we would share our common interests.
I was hesitant and did not want to at first, but i mustered up the courage to do so. I told her of all my feelings that i had for her. I waited for about 2 weeks for her to reply until one day, she told me that she appreciated me sharing my feelings for her, but her parents were controlling her life. She could only date until she turned 18 and told me that she wasn't ready to date. She seemingly made closure, but i couldn't accept it. I knew there had to be an explanation for all of this. I waited for her the next few days alone at the same place where we had spent all of our time together...she never showed up, but i did not give up because the question which kept racing through my mind over and over again was "why?"
I walked to where she was before classes started and tried to talk with her. She seemed very distant from me as evidenced by her folded arms and lack of motivation to speak to me, i had wanted to ask questions and speak about what had happened because i could not accept it. She simply told me that she had homework to do and so i let her be. I tried again and again to have a minute alone with her, but she seemed to be intimidated by me. I wrote her an email with no success, however, i would not give in. My sister was in the same class as she was..i figured that she stopped reading my email messages because of what i told her, so i figured she would have to listen if i got my sister to speak to her on my behalf.
I got her to deliver a letter i wrote to her regarding the situation and in response, she simply told me that she could not date me because of differences in age and encouraged me to move on, but she never wanted to speak to me again. I somehow knew that she did not want to read it because she knew that i was still trying to find a way to date her. The moment i read it...i was in pain, crying out "why?!" I spent a lot of time reflecting on what she had told me, but i could not handle the pain. If only i had paid more attention to that cold, dark feeling that everything was not going to go well, if only i had planned more carefully..the outcome would've been different. I had hoped that we could at least been friends once more, that she would just come back and talk to me again. I couldn't stand the pain and chose to rid myself of the letter by throwing it at a school trash can. If i were to forget about it, i wanted to leave the memories buried at the school we went to.
I did not believe her explanation and i don't think i ever will because knowing her, i still believe that it was her parents that influenced her to make such a decision to not speak to me...to me, she said that out of desperation because she could not bear to see me suffer or continue our friendship, knowing that there was no chance of me becoming her boyfriend. I did not blame her at all...i blamed those who caused the undesired outcome. I was angry, believing this circumstance could have changed if it weren't for certain social behaviors. Whenever i left my classroom, i knew...she was behind me, so i covered my head with a hood because i was emotionally hurt, angry, and did not want to cause her anymore grief.
I started to slightly change as my heart grew colder since i had lost respect for society as a whole for creating such mistaken ideas that separated me..from her. I woke up to the same routine day after day, going to the same school, dealing with the same pain over and over again. I tried to cope with the pain of not being able to see her until i went looking for her just to see if she was still there...she was...just far away from me....as she sat outside. I didn't know how to handle the truth and pain as i went back inside a bit devastated. I thought i could see her following behind me, but in a way, she stopped and seemingly wandered around, as if she wanted to tell me something. We had occasionally passed each other as if we never met..as if nothing ever happened..i could not let that happen..so i felt uneasy when i came near her and made causal glances.
The year was coming to an end and very immature high school students decided to pull an "end of the year" high school prank by filling balloons with urine, semen, and fecal matter to throw at students. From that point on, chaos emerged. I was only worried about what had happened to her in my mind...was she ok? Was she safe? Did anyone put their hands on her? If i had to, i would run through the crowds to protect her from any harm done even if it meant breaking school rules. Deep inside me, i said "Forget these rules! Things are already bad enough as they are of now.....these students are almost starting a riot and these are toxic substances which are very unsanitary for the public health as the school board goes on with business as usual! They should have done something about it a long time ago..." No matter what happened, i did not want anyone laying a finger on her, but once again, i respected her too much to even ask if she was ok as she passed me.
It was almost the end of the year and opportunities came to participate in the graduation ceremony for seniors. I did not think of myself, i wanted her to see me graduate, but i didn't attend the ceremony..i had lost hope that she would, perhaps she would just look away and pretend that i didn't exist. I planned to leave high school with no desire to be awarded, admired, or praised for my achievements, since i had no respect..only contempt for society, knowing that it was because of people like her parents that stopped me from being successful in having her...i wanted nothing to do with the school anymore..only to be done with it. I started to see her more often. In a way, i felt that she was trying to send a message. As i waited for my bus at a stop, she stood with her friends in front of me a few feet away. I did not believe it was an accident, but on purpose as if to say that she moved on...she had found new friends....had new experiences...and at one instance, i recall catching her staring at me as she seemingly was blushing. She looked so lovely with the sun shining down on her as i stared back at her.
I wanted to see her again....I just wanted to talk to her once more, even if i couldn't be her boyfriend, i still wanted to be her friend...There came a point where i couldn't take the grief, so i tried to erase her name from the paper she gave to me with her email written on it. No matter how hard i forced myself to completely rid myself of it...i simply couldn't, my hand would not even erase the first letter. To some, it is an act of desperation, but within myself, i was in a way being loyal to her. Although we may never see each other again and despite the sadness and pain i faced...i was happy to have her in my life...and it made me happy just to see her smile...She had a whole life ahead of her and so did i.....even if she never reads this...at least deep inside i somehow feel that.....she smiled back at me...as a way of saying.....good-bye....
It all began when i sat in a high school cafeteria with a couple of friends and i noticed a girl sitting by herself not far from me. She was pretty and looked at me as we smiled at each other. I was hesitant to speak to her because i was afraid of facing rejection or having yet another person lost from my life since i was recently recovering from previous broken relationships. I asked myself "What if i get hurt in the end?"..."What if one day, we will have to part ways?" I did not want to deal with it, so i said nothing for the first few days.
One of her friends gained my attention with his humor and slowly, but steadily, we became friends after a bit awkwardness. I introduced myself and soon learned more about her. She explained her religious beliefs since it was the topic which came to mind first. We both came from different denominations..she was Episcopalian...i was non-denominational. We had our debates every once in a while on Biblical subjects as i let her use my Bible for reference. From then on, we laughed and conversed on a variety of subjects. I wanted to stay friends, but deep within myself...i started developing strong feelings for her. I tried to deny them and rid myself of them, telling myself that i had unrealistic expectations.
Days passed as they kept growing stronger. I was genuinely falling in love with her as i longed to hold her in my arms and caress her hair. I loved her smiles, laughs, charming behavior, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, and generosity. My heart beat faster at the thought of her. I wanted to spend at least 45 minutes with her during our lunch break because every minute counted. I had finally found a special person which satisfied my desires in a life-long partner. I asked for her number, even though the moment was awkward, nevertheless she was flattered. She gave me her email instead which was good enough for me. It was as we happily walked to our classes..that she told me that she didn't know if she could be happy...my joyful smile turned into deep and serious concern that seemed to intimidate her because i did not like her unhappiness. Despite my feelings, i also had a colder and depressing feeling that one day...things would not turn out the way as i had hoped for and that we would have to part ways.
I had soon learned through email that she had critical genetic diseases. I became very hurt and comforted her. I was going to tell her that i would make a bold commitment to bring her happiness and later, fueled by emotion..i would get down my knees to tell her that i would work hard to create a scientific cure for her. I didn't care what people thought of me, i only cared about what she thought of me. The daydreaming stopped when i realized that i was just one human being who could not change certain circumstances and so, i encouraged her to turn to her faith. My feelings grew to the point where it hurt me to think of all the time that was passing by. I knew i had to tell her one way or another, even though i fought hard to keep them inside. In a way, we were very different and i had doubts as to whether two people from different backgrounds could ever fall in love. As i sat laid back against a seat in a moving car through one gloomy night, i conversed with my mother as to whether an evangelical Christian could date someone from a different denomination. I was a bit of distressed at her responses as i attempted to find answers within the Bible itself. Nevertheless, i had doubts that a loving God would prevent me from dating another Christian, seeing that we both believe in most of the same Biblical teachings. The only difference is that i was very "extreme" in my faith and she wasn't. As i had appreciated the things she shared with me, i simply wanted to sit next to her and tell her how i truly felt about her as i starred into her eyes, but i did not want to draw attention to myself and embarrass her, so i decided to tell her through the internet.
Truthfully, i would do whatever it took to date her. I would come all the way to her house and look her parents in the eyes to show my honesty, determination, loyalty, and respect to turn their daughter into my girlfriend. I would have taken her around places where we would share our common interests.
I was hesitant and did not want to at first, but i mustered up the courage to do so. I told her of all my feelings that i had for her. I waited for about 2 weeks for her to reply until one day, she told me that she appreciated me sharing my feelings for her, but her parents were controlling her life. She could only date until she turned 18 and told me that she wasn't ready to date. She seemingly made closure, but i couldn't accept it. I knew there had to be an explanation for all of this. I waited for her the next few days alone at the same place where we had spent all of our time together...she never showed up, but i did not give up because the question which kept racing through my mind over and over again was "why?"
I walked to where she was before classes started and tried to talk with her. She seemed very distant from me as evidenced by her folded arms and lack of motivation to speak to me, i had wanted to ask questions and speak about what had happened because i could not accept it. She simply told me that she had homework to do and so i let her be. I tried again and again to have a minute alone with her, but she seemed to be intimidated by me. I wrote her an email with no success, however, i would not give in. My sister was in the same class as she was..i figured that she stopped reading my email messages because of what i told her, so i figured she would have to listen if i got my sister to speak to her on my behalf.
I got her to deliver a letter i wrote to her regarding the situation and in response, she simply told me that she could not date me because of differences in age and encouraged me to move on, but she never wanted to speak to me again. I somehow knew that she did not want to read it because she knew that i was still trying to find a way to date her. The moment i read it...i was in pain, crying out "why?!" I spent a lot of time reflecting on what she had told me, but i could not handle the pain. If only i had paid more attention to that cold, dark feeling that everything was not going to go well, if only i had planned more carefully..the outcome would've been different. I had hoped that we could at least been friends once more, that she would just come back and talk to me again. I couldn't stand the pain and chose to rid myself of the letter by throwing it at a school trash can. If i were to forget about it, i wanted to leave the memories buried at the school we went to.
I did not believe her explanation and i don't think i ever will because knowing her, i still believe that it was her parents that influenced her to make such a decision to not speak to me...to me, she said that out of desperation because she could not bear to see me suffer or continue our friendship, knowing that there was no chance of me becoming her boyfriend. I did not blame her at all...i blamed those who caused the undesired outcome. I was angry, believing this circumstance could have changed if it weren't for certain social behaviors. Whenever i left my classroom, i knew...she was behind me, so i covered my head with a hood because i was emotionally hurt, angry, and did not want to cause her anymore grief.
I started to slightly change as my heart grew colder since i had lost respect for society as a whole for creating such mistaken ideas that separated me..from her. I woke up to the same routine day after day, going to the same school, dealing with the same pain over and over again. I tried to cope with the pain of not being able to see her until i went looking for her just to see if she was still there...she was...just far away from me....as she sat outside. I didn't know how to handle the truth and pain as i went back inside a bit devastated. I thought i could see her following behind me, but in a way, she stopped and seemingly wandered around, as if she wanted to tell me something. We had occasionally passed each other as if we never met..as if nothing ever happened..i could not let that happen..so i felt uneasy when i came near her and made causal glances.
The year was coming to an end and very immature high school students decided to pull an "end of the year" high school prank by filling balloons with urine, semen, and fecal matter to throw at students. From that point on, chaos emerged. I was only worried about what had happened to her in my mind...was she ok? Was she safe? Did anyone put their hands on her? If i had to, i would run through the crowds to protect her from any harm done even if it meant breaking school rules. Deep inside me, i said "Forget these rules! Things are already bad enough as they are of now.....these students are almost starting a riot and these are toxic substances which are very unsanitary for the public health as the school board goes on with business as usual! They should have done something about it a long time ago..." No matter what happened, i did not want anyone laying a finger on her, but once again, i respected her too much to even ask if she was ok as she passed me.
It was almost the end of the year and opportunities came to participate in the graduation ceremony for seniors. I did not think of myself, i wanted her to see me graduate, but i didn't attend the ceremony..i had lost hope that she would, perhaps she would just look away and pretend that i didn't exist. I planned to leave high school with no desire to be awarded, admired, or praised for my achievements, since i had no respect..only contempt for society, knowing that it was because of people like her parents that stopped me from being successful in having her...i wanted nothing to do with the school anymore..only to be done with it. I started to see her more often. In a way, i felt that she was trying to send a message. As i waited for my bus at a stop, she stood with her friends in front of me a few feet away. I did not believe it was an accident, but on purpose as if to say that she moved on...she had found new friends....had new experiences...and at one instance, i recall catching her staring at me as she seemingly was blushing. She looked so lovely with the sun shining down on her as i stared back at her.
I wanted to see her again....I just wanted to talk to her once more, even if i couldn't be her boyfriend, i still wanted to be her friend...There came a point where i couldn't take the grief, so i tried to erase her name from the paper she gave to me with her email written on it. No matter how hard i forced myself to completely rid myself of it...i simply couldn't, my hand would not even erase the first letter. To some, it is an act of desperation, but within myself, i was in a way being loyal to her. Although we may never see each other again and despite the sadness and pain i faced...i was happy to have her in my life...and it made me happy just to see her smile...She had a whole life ahead of her and so did i.....even if she never reads this...at least deep inside i somehow feel that.....she smiled back at me...as a way of saying.....good-bye....
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Why waiting to date someone too long will fail
I have heard someone's own experienced and it made me think of a lot of things in a relationship. True love does wait, yes, but true love also takes action and no action means no love can form. There is a difference between proactively waiting for someone and merely passively waiting.
Someone i know liked a girl and she liked him back, so what prevented him from actually asking her out? Fear of rejection and perhaps commitment. It was a lack of self-confidence and courage. She made an effort to attract him and kept contact with him even if they had a long-distance friendship. She waited...waited...and waited...nothing..no response..until finally, she stopped waiting and married another man, giving up hope that he would ever make a move. He became so upset that he had become seemingly depressed and obsessed over her.If only he had used all of that time to muster the courage, the willpower, hope, and self-confidence to ask her out, the outcome of his choice may have produced a happy, successful marriage full of life, love, joy, and fulfillment, but what did he choose to focus on? Insecurity, fear, a lack of motivation, hopelessness, and a lack of choice, so that is what he was left with. Waiting patiently for love does not mean dwelling on your flaws, but finding ways to improve, it means being active with your own character. Waiting too long may cause you to lose someone who is in reality a potential mate. It was by your own failure to act that you lost someone so dear to you and before you realize it..it's too late, attraction fades followed by hope. You may hurt the other person which would then cause them to stop waiting for you and move on with their lives.
For those of you in this situation, what will you do? Will you keep improving as you wait or will you just be waiting without any intention of taking action towards the person you have affection for? Think about the choices you make or don't make because one way or another, the outcome could go in your favor or you will find yourself completely lost in despair, guilt, depression, loss of confidence, and regret that you did not take action when the time had come.
Someone i know liked a girl and she liked him back, so what prevented him from actually asking her out? Fear of rejection and perhaps commitment. It was a lack of self-confidence and courage. She made an effort to attract him and kept contact with him even if they had a long-distance friendship. She waited...waited...and waited...nothing..no response..until finally, she stopped waiting and married another man, giving up hope that he would ever make a move. He became so upset that he had become seemingly depressed and obsessed over her.If only he had used all of that time to muster the courage, the willpower, hope, and self-confidence to ask her out, the outcome of his choice may have produced a happy, successful marriage full of life, love, joy, and fulfillment, but what did he choose to focus on? Insecurity, fear, a lack of motivation, hopelessness, and a lack of choice, so that is what he was left with. Waiting patiently for love does not mean dwelling on your flaws, but finding ways to improve, it means being active with your own character. Waiting too long may cause you to lose someone who is in reality a potential mate. It was by your own failure to act that you lost someone so dear to you and before you realize it..it's too late, attraction fades followed by hope. You may hurt the other person which would then cause them to stop waiting for you and move on with their lives.
For those of you in this situation, what will you do? Will you keep improving as you wait or will you just be waiting without any intention of taking action towards the person you have affection for? Think about the choices you make or don't make because one way or another, the outcome could go in your favor or you will find yourself completely lost in despair, guilt, depression, loss of confidence, and regret that you did not take action when the time had come.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
How to know if you truly like someone
There is a huge difference between liking and loving a person. A crush on a particular person is still young and can feel wonderful, but there is a immature mindset for establishing a dating relationship based on your reasons for "liking" someone. These are just a few reasons why that is:
1) Attractiveness - Just because you are extremely attracted to a handsome man, does not mean he would make a good partner. A very beautiful and attractive woman does not mean that she has genuine intentions or an honest lifestyle. Beauty can be very deceitful. What if that person gets old? what then? Or what if they manipulate you by using their attractiveness for selfish reasons, not because they actually love you or care about you? Yes, attractiveness would make the relationship better, but it would be wise to listen to the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
2) Money and abilities - Perhaps the person you admire has a lot of money and can support you, but this is also not a good reason to date someone. There could be many reasons for them ending a relationship perhaps because of social status, fortunes, or simply because it was not built upon an appreciation for their person. It would be very hurtful to your partner if all you wanted was money and that could seriously destroy a relationship. Admiring someone because they can play sports very well, play music very well, or possess any other talents such as these is pleasant, but this doesn't prove that they are mature in other areas of life.
3) Superior intelligence - In this modern society, intelligence is becoming valued more than before, however i'll advise you to still be careful because intelligence alone can be quite dangerous. You put yourself at risk for dating someone with intelligence without also knowing more about their personality. Falling head over heels for someone who flashes their intelligence can be just as immature as falling in love with someone who is very attractive. Just because they are intelligent, doesn't mean they have the wisdom to treat you in the way that you should be treated.
Again, these are a few reasons why it is unwise to bond with someone without considering various qualities of their personality such as their behavior, honesty, and genuine love for someone else. In conclusion, i strongly advise you to take the time to examine their character thoroughly by listing different qualities to see if they are a potential mate for life. Only then can you know if you genuinely like them or if it's simply infatuation.
1) Attractiveness - Just because you are extremely attracted to a handsome man, does not mean he would make a good partner. A very beautiful and attractive woman does not mean that she has genuine intentions or an honest lifestyle. Beauty can be very deceitful. What if that person gets old? what then? Or what if they manipulate you by using their attractiveness for selfish reasons, not because they actually love you or care about you? Yes, attractiveness would make the relationship better, but it would be wise to listen to the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
2) Money and abilities - Perhaps the person you admire has a lot of money and can support you, but this is also not a good reason to date someone. There could be many reasons for them ending a relationship perhaps because of social status, fortunes, or simply because it was not built upon an appreciation for their person. It would be very hurtful to your partner if all you wanted was money and that could seriously destroy a relationship. Admiring someone because they can play sports very well, play music very well, or possess any other talents such as these is pleasant, but this doesn't prove that they are mature in other areas of life.
3) Superior intelligence - In this modern society, intelligence is becoming valued more than before, however i'll advise you to still be careful because intelligence alone can be quite dangerous. You put yourself at risk for dating someone with intelligence without also knowing more about their personality. Falling head over heels for someone who flashes their intelligence can be just as immature as falling in love with someone who is very attractive. Just because they are intelligent, doesn't mean they have the wisdom to treat you in the way that you should be treated.
Again, these are a few reasons why it is unwise to bond with someone without considering various qualities of their personality such as their behavior, honesty, and genuine love for someone else. In conclusion, i strongly advise you to take the time to examine their character thoroughly by listing different qualities to see if they are a potential mate for life. Only then can you know if you genuinely like them or if it's simply infatuation.
Friday, August 16, 2013
The dangers of sex before marriage
I am still a virgin and i am not ashamed not to admit it for good reasons. Many have tried to convince me to lose my virginity and maybe even joked about it, but i believe that it's only because i have maintained my "innocence" and youth very well. They may not understand just how powerful and special sex can be.
Why is it so special to wait until marriage and why is it dangerous to do it before? Because when you have sex, you don't just have it, you open your heart and soul to your partner. You are confessing that this is your life partner and you are sure of your commitment. It seems common now that people have sex while they are dating as part of the norm or even on their first date, but there are several problems with this. One is that you may not have taken enough time to see if the other person is truly committed to you or not, so if they break up with you, that's fine because now you know that they probably were never committed in the first place if their reasons for breaking up weren't good enough and by avoiding sex, you keep your heart, mind, body, and soul pure as well as youthful.
You may plan to have sex and think you love the other person, but you really don't if your not even sure just how committed they are to you or even about certain qualities that they didn't show you yet. If all your mate wanted was sex, he can then have an excuse to leave you and what will that leave you with? a baby? A house to take care of? STDs? Furthermore, you have just ruined your chances of fully giving your pure being, blooming with youth and innocence to your real soul-mate if you finally did find them. Sex will not as new, powerful, exciting, passionate adventurous and as emotional as it could have been before. Things could have been far better if you had kept your virginity and now, you have wasted it on past sex partners which is not attractive at all. It just shows that you weren't ready for a mature relationship and if you truly loved the other person as much as you love yourself, you would not have lost your virginity so easily.
Now, when you sleep with your soul-mate, you must live with the consequences. Know that you are essentially also sleeping with past boyfriends/girlfriends as well and if by any chance you have an STD, your partner may have to wear protection for the rest of their life every time they have sex with you. Once again, things did not have to turn out that way if you had waited for the right time to have sex.
Commitment and loyalty are essential to every relationship. Sex is the way of proclaiming that the person you are bonding to is your soul-mate for life and that you are giving absolutely everything you can give to him or her.
Why is it so special to wait until marriage and why is it dangerous to do it before? Because when you have sex, you don't just have it, you open your heart and soul to your partner. You are confessing that this is your life partner and you are sure of your commitment. It seems common now that people have sex while they are dating as part of the norm or even on their first date, but there are several problems with this. One is that you may not have taken enough time to see if the other person is truly committed to you or not, so if they break up with you, that's fine because now you know that they probably were never committed in the first place if their reasons for breaking up weren't good enough and by avoiding sex, you keep your heart, mind, body, and soul pure as well as youthful.
You may plan to have sex and think you love the other person, but you really don't if your not even sure just how committed they are to you or even about certain qualities that they didn't show you yet. If all your mate wanted was sex, he can then have an excuse to leave you and what will that leave you with? a baby? A house to take care of? STDs? Furthermore, you have just ruined your chances of fully giving your pure being, blooming with youth and innocence to your real soul-mate if you finally did find them. Sex will not as new, powerful, exciting, passionate adventurous and as emotional as it could have been before. Things could have been far better if you had kept your virginity and now, you have wasted it on past sex partners which is not attractive at all. It just shows that you weren't ready for a mature relationship and if you truly loved the other person as much as you love yourself, you would not have lost your virginity so easily.
Now, when you sleep with your soul-mate, you must live with the consequences. Know that you are essentially also sleeping with past boyfriends/girlfriends as well and if by any chance you have an STD, your partner may have to wear protection for the rest of their life every time they have sex with you. Once again, things did not have to turn out that way if you had waited for the right time to have sex.
Commitment and loyalty are essential to every relationship. Sex is the way of proclaiming that the person you are bonding to is your soul-mate for life and that you are giving absolutely everything you can give to him or her.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
The dangers of romance
Perhaps you are one of the people who dream of finding prince charming who will treat you like a princess, rescue you from every situation, and do tons of chivalrous, romantic things for you. Maybe you are a man who desires to find a very beautiful woman to share all of your romantic poetry, thoughts, and ideas with. This all seems too good to be true..it is, because it's not true.
Hollywood, movies, films,novels, and the media have been teaching us how to live our love life and how love ought to be. Forget about prince charming because he's never coming for you, cast the dream of that perfect woman away because the outward beauty does not always match the beauty from within. No one is perfect and no one is going to treat you in every perfect way. Romance is simply a fantasy, something that only happens in the movies, that's not how relationships truly are. Fake romance is simply immature infatuation, but i learned that real romance takes time to develop.
Real romance is achieved by taking the time to learn about your partner's desires, passions, and joy. Creatively expressing genuine romantic feelings can create strong passion, but it is not the only thing which holds a relationship together. Too many times have i laughed and jokingly told my friends about the same old songs and flowery language coming from a guy who is trying to win a girl's heart back, why? Because it sounds so fake. If you exaggerate too much, you are only creating a false sense of love. Yes, it's nice to have a nice romantic dinner, candles, baths, and novels, but what good is it without mature love? These things are only decorations, traditions, and trends we sometimes think of as love when it's not. The true power of love comes through respect, commitment, compassion, loyalty, humility, compromise, joy, and intimacy as well. Romantic things such as these will not last forever. In the end, you will get tired of them, but love will renew intimacy with your partner and make passion strong .
Do not misunderstand me, i'm not saying that all romance is bad. It depends on how you use it correctly that can keep igniting passion as the love you share together matures. If your a man and seek to be romantic with your female partner, make sure your words genuinely align with your actions. If your a woman, make sure that your male partner is genuine and do not set unrealistic expectations which create the idea of being in love rather than actual love. Never replace beautiful artwork, flowers, decorations, food, places, novels, etc. with your partner's honest feelings, admiration, respect, sacrifices, respect, kindness, and love that they have for you.
Hollywood, movies, films,novels, and the media have been teaching us how to live our love life and how love ought to be. Forget about prince charming because he's never coming for you, cast the dream of that perfect woman away because the outward beauty does not always match the beauty from within. No one is perfect and no one is going to treat you in every perfect way. Romance is simply a fantasy, something that only happens in the movies, that's not how relationships truly are. Fake romance is simply immature infatuation, but i learned that real romance takes time to develop.
Real romance is achieved by taking the time to learn about your partner's desires, passions, and joy. Creatively expressing genuine romantic feelings can create strong passion, but it is not the only thing which holds a relationship together. Too many times have i laughed and jokingly told my friends about the same old songs and flowery language coming from a guy who is trying to win a girl's heart back, why? Because it sounds so fake. If you exaggerate too much, you are only creating a false sense of love. Yes, it's nice to have a nice romantic dinner, candles, baths, and novels, but what good is it without mature love? These things are only decorations, traditions, and trends we sometimes think of as love when it's not. The true power of love comes through respect, commitment, compassion, loyalty, humility, compromise, joy, and intimacy as well. Romantic things such as these will not last forever. In the end, you will get tired of them, but love will renew intimacy with your partner and make passion strong .
Do not misunderstand me, i'm not saying that all romance is bad. It depends on how you use it correctly that can keep igniting passion as the love you share together matures. If your a man and seek to be romantic with your female partner, make sure your words genuinely align with your actions. If your a woman, make sure that your male partner is genuine and do not set unrealistic expectations which create the idea of being in love rather than actual love. Never replace beautiful artwork, flowers, decorations, food, places, novels, etc. with your partner's honest feelings, admiration, respect, sacrifices, respect, kindness, and love that they have for you.
A few hints on how to have a successful relationship
Most relationships don't work for many reasons. I believe it's because of many problems with the self that prevents it from flourishing. Some people may wait in distress, wondering why their past relationships failed,asking themselves "Why am single? why am i not likable?" It could be the other person's problems, but it can also be their own. If they have a couple of problems can typically ruin a relationship:
* Self-ego - Always demanding your way and thinking your right, expecting your partner to side with you always without listening to their view, and doing what pleases you is arrogant and always destroys the other person's trust, love, compassion, and appreciation that they have for you. You make them feel like a slave doing your will and not actually developing a bond based on understanding and compromising your own way of handling a relationship. You will live single and you will die single if you keep having this kind of pride.
* Poor communication - Failure to express your feelings can damage the relationship by allowing yourself to be abused, but speaking over, arguing, and interrupting the other person shows a lack of compassion, respect, and regard for their feelings, beliefs, values, and voice which hurts the other person. Standing up for yourself does not mean trampling on the other person.
* Selfish demands - If you keep selfishly believing that you are always in the right without compromising your values in order to make the other person satisfied for good reason, they will feel like they are not in a relationship. In the end, your mate will feel like you treat them as if they're always in the wrong, as if your the one better than them, making them feel that they are not worthy of you. When you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes by apologizing or confessing your faults, they will leave you alone with your "right" behavior.
* Refusal to set boundaries - Sometimes, one or neither partner will not set boundaries of what to do and what not to do in order to keep their other partner happy or to not hurt them. Boundaries are essential in keeping partners healthy, but can change over time. Any attempt to forcefully break them can cause your partner to distance themselves from you or end the relationship if pushed too far.
* Refusal to work as one - Often times, you are going to need to change your ways of living or doing things in a relationship in order to keep a stable relationship. Are you willing to do that? if not, future problems will eventually destroy the bond.
* Lack of commitment - You must be faithful, maintaining the relationship even though at times, romantic feelings fade away. Commitment demands that you put in all of your effort into making the relationship thrive. Many just don't want to give their mate their own heart and that is their downfall.
* Lack of love - There is a confusion as to what love means. Some people mistakenly say to others "oh, i saw a very handsome guy/beautiful woman whom i am very attracted to, i love him/her", no they don't. You may think you love a special guy in your class, online, workplace, etc. but you don't if you did not take the time to know him very well, you are not in a relationship with him, and have not took the time to accept him for who he is. If anyone is only attracted to someone because of their appearance, skills, talents, wealth, power, and maybe their display of intelligence does not have mature love, but an immature idea of being in love. If by any chance you get bored with the person, realizing that you never loved them can hurt them a lot and may leave you, taking the pain with them.
If you suffer from these flaws and do not have persistence, responsibility, good communication, loyalty, humility, love, patience, understanding, commitment, unity, and compassion in a relationship, you are not ready for any relationship, simple as that. You must first work on improving yourself first before you can share your heart with another person. It takes a lot of hard work and time. Here are a couple of tips i learned that you must realize and do:
1) Focus on your self - Some people are under the illusion that by finding a life partner, they will find happiness when it's actually something within themselves that they need to correct. A relationship is the last thing you need when it comes to these situations, since you will only run a risk of ruining the relationship. You don't find happiness in a relationship, you share that happiness that you have with the other person, therefore you must improve your self to where you would make the relationship stable.
2) Break your self-ego and commit to the other person - Lose the "ok, i'm bored with this person, so now i'm going to find someone else.." mentality because that will spread like cancer and destroy the relationship. You must be loyal and dedicate yourself to fulfill your partners needs. Commitment is more than just resisting the temptation to seek attention from someone who is not your soul-mate, it is the strong will to
3) Compromise on your standards - At times, you must surrender what you want in order to do what your partner wants. Your partner may not always side with you, but if you truly accept their character, choosing on "our way" instead of "my way" is the only option. There will be differences between you no matter what, so come to an agreement on how to resolve differences. Do not focus on "winning" an argument, instead try to make your partner content as well.
4) Set boundaries - Telling your partner what to do and what not to do in a relationship is essential in respecting their choices and morals. Make sure you do it as soon as possible before anything else.
5) Open up fully to the other person - Expose all of your weaknesses, strengths, secrets, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, practically everything about yourself. Failure to do so is a sign of the lack of trust which is never a good thing. This is the first step in learning to accepting and loving someone.
6) Resolve conflict - Some think that by avoiding conflict, it makes the relationship healthy, quite the opposite. These demonstrate bad skills in handling differences and problems in a relationship because it creates a feeling of insecurity. If you fully open your heart to your partner and they accept you, there should be an unbreakable will to resolve conflicts in order to make the relationship more powerful than ever before. Mature love arises from this.
7) Understand the other person - Always seek to understand the other person's point of view because it makes them feel valued as a person. Asking them how they feel, what they think, what they would do are all healthy in all aspects of a relationship.
In conclusion, you will learn to love the other person as time passes by. I strongly believe that if you follow these important guidelines, your relationship will last for a life-time.
* Self-ego - Always demanding your way and thinking your right, expecting your partner to side with you always without listening to their view, and doing what pleases you is arrogant and always destroys the other person's trust, love, compassion, and appreciation that they have for you. You make them feel like a slave doing your will and not actually developing a bond based on understanding and compromising your own way of handling a relationship. You will live single and you will die single if you keep having this kind of pride.
* Poor communication - Failure to express your feelings can damage the relationship by allowing yourself to be abused, but speaking over, arguing, and interrupting the other person shows a lack of compassion, respect, and regard for their feelings, beliefs, values, and voice which hurts the other person. Standing up for yourself does not mean trampling on the other person.
* Selfish demands - If you keep selfishly believing that you are always in the right without compromising your values in order to make the other person satisfied for good reason, they will feel like they are not in a relationship. In the end, your mate will feel like you treat them as if they're always in the wrong, as if your the one better than them, making them feel that they are not worthy of you. When you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes by apologizing or confessing your faults, they will leave you alone with your "right" behavior.
* Refusal to set boundaries - Sometimes, one or neither partner will not set boundaries of what to do and what not to do in order to keep their other partner happy or to not hurt them. Boundaries are essential in keeping partners healthy, but can change over time. Any attempt to forcefully break them can cause your partner to distance themselves from you or end the relationship if pushed too far.
* Refusal to work as one - Often times, you are going to need to change your ways of living or doing things in a relationship in order to keep a stable relationship. Are you willing to do that? if not, future problems will eventually destroy the bond.
* Lack of commitment - You must be faithful, maintaining the relationship even though at times, romantic feelings fade away. Commitment demands that you put in all of your effort into making the relationship thrive. Many just don't want to give their mate their own heart and that is their downfall.
* Lack of love - There is a confusion as to what love means. Some people mistakenly say to others "oh, i saw a very handsome guy/beautiful woman whom i am very attracted to, i love him/her", no they don't. You may think you love a special guy in your class, online, workplace, etc. but you don't if you did not take the time to know him very well, you are not in a relationship with him, and have not took the time to accept him for who he is. If anyone is only attracted to someone because of their appearance, skills, talents, wealth, power, and maybe their display of intelligence does not have mature love, but an immature idea of being in love. If by any chance you get bored with the person, realizing that you never loved them can hurt them a lot and may leave you, taking the pain with them.
If you suffer from these flaws and do not have persistence, responsibility, good communication, loyalty, humility, love, patience, understanding, commitment, unity, and compassion in a relationship, you are not ready for any relationship, simple as that. You must first work on improving yourself first before you can share your heart with another person. It takes a lot of hard work and time. Here are a couple of tips i learned that you must realize and do:
1) Focus on your self - Some people are under the illusion that by finding a life partner, they will find happiness when it's actually something within themselves that they need to correct. A relationship is the last thing you need when it comes to these situations, since you will only run a risk of ruining the relationship. You don't find happiness in a relationship, you share that happiness that you have with the other person, therefore you must improve your self to where you would make the relationship stable.
2) Break your self-ego and commit to the other person - Lose the "ok, i'm bored with this person, so now i'm going to find someone else.." mentality because that will spread like cancer and destroy the relationship. You must be loyal and dedicate yourself to fulfill your partners needs. Commitment is more than just resisting the temptation to seek attention from someone who is not your soul-mate, it is the strong will to
3) Compromise on your standards - At times, you must surrender what you want in order to do what your partner wants. Your partner may not always side with you, but if you truly accept their character, choosing on "our way" instead of "my way" is the only option. There will be differences between you no matter what, so come to an agreement on how to resolve differences. Do not focus on "winning" an argument, instead try to make your partner content as well.
4) Set boundaries - Telling your partner what to do and what not to do in a relationship is essential in respecting their choices and morals. Make sure you do it as soon as possible before anything else.
5) Open up fully to the other person - Expose all of your weaknesses, strengths, secrets, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, practically everything about yourself. Failure to do so is a sign of the lack of trust which is never a good thing. This is the first step in learning to accepting and loving someone.
6) Resolve conflict - Some think that by avoiding conflict, it makes the relationship healthy, quite the opposite. These demonstrate bad skills in handling differences and problems in a relationship because it creates a feeling of insecurity. If you fully open your heart to your partner and they accept you, there should be an unbreakable will to resolve conflicts in order to make the relationship more powerful than ever before. Mature love arises from this.
7) Understand the other person - Always seek to understand the other person's point of view because it makes them feel valued as a person. Asking them how they feel, what they think, what they would do are all healthy in all aspects of a relationship.
In conclusion, you will learn to love the other person as time passes by. I strongly believe that if you follow these important guidelines, your relationship will last for a life-time.
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