Most relationships don't work for many reasons. I believe it's because of many problems with the self that prevents it from flourishing. Some people may wait in distress, wondering why their past relationships failed,asking themselves "Why am single? why am i not likable?" It could be the other person's problems, but it can also be their own. If they have a couple of problems can typically ruin a relationship:
* Self-ego - Always demanding your way and thinking your right, expecting your partner to side with you always without listening to their view, and doing what pleases you is arrogant and always destroys the other person's trust, love, compassion, and appreciation that they have for you. You make them feel like a slave doing your will and not actually developing a bond based on understanding and compromising your own way of handling a relationship. You will live single and you will die single if you keep having this kind of pride.
* Poor communication - Failure to express your feelings can damage the relationship by allowing yourself to be abused, but speaking over, arguing, and interrupting the other person shows a lack of compassion, respect, and regard for their feelings, beliefs, values, and voice which hurts the other person. Standing up for yourself does not mean trampling on the other person.
* Selfish demands - If you keep selfishly believing that you are always in the right without compromising your values in order to make the other person satisfied for good reason, they will feel like they are not in a relationship. In the end, your mate will feel like you treat them as if they're always in the wrong, as if your the one better than them, making them feel that they are not worthy of you. When you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes by apologizing or confessing your faults, they will leave you alone with your "right" behavior.
* Refusal to set boundaries - Sometimes, one or neither partner will not set boundaries of what to do and what not to do in order to keep their other partner happy or to not hurt them. Boundaries are essential in keeping partners healthy, but can change over time. Any attempt to forcefully break them can cause your partner to distance themselves from you or end the relationship if pushed too far.
* Refusal to work as one - Often times, you are going to need to change your ways of living or doing things in a relationship in order to keep a stable relationship. Are you willing to do that? if not, future problems will eventually destroy the bond.
* Lack of commitment - You must be faithful, maintaining the relationship even though at times, romantic feelings fade away. Commitment demands that you put in all of your effort into making the relationship thrive. Many just don't want to give their mate their own heart and that is their downfall.
* Lack of love - There is a confusion as to what love means. Some people mistakenly say to others "oh, i saw a very handsome guy/beautiful woman whom i am very attracted to, i love him/her", no they don't. You may think you love a special guy in your class, online, workplace, etc. but you don't if you did not take the time to know him very well, you are not in a relationship with him, and have not took the time to accept him for who he is. If anyone is only attracted to someone because of their appearance, skills, talents, wealth, power, and maybe their display of intelligence does not have mature love, but an immature idea of being in love. If by any chance you get bored with the person, realizing that you never loved them can hurt them a lot and may leave you, taking the pain with them.
If you suffer from these flaws and do not have persistence, responsibility, good communication, loyalty, humility, love, patience, understanding, commitment, unity, and compassion in a relationship, you are not ready for any relationship, simple as that. You must first work on improving yourself first before you can share your heart with another person. It takes a lot of hard work and time. Here are a couple of tips i learned that you must realize and do:
1) Focus on your self - Some people are under the illusion that by finding a life partner, they will find happiness when it's actually something within themselves that they need to correct. A relationship is the last thing you need when it comes to these situations, since you will only run a risk of ruining the relationship. You don't find happiness in a relationship, you share that happiness that you have with the other person, therefore you must improve your self to where you would make the relationship stable.
2) Break your self-ego and commit to the other person - Lose the "ok, i'm bored with this person, so now i'm going to find someone else.." mentality because that will spread like cancer and destroy the relationship. You must be loyal and dedicate yourself to fulfill your partners needs. Commitment is more than just resisting the temptation to seek attention from someone who is not your soul-mate, it is the strong will to
3) Compromise on your standards - At times, you must surrender what you want in order to do what your partner wants. Your partner may not always side with you, but if you truly accept their character, choosing on "our way" instead of "my way" is the only option. There will be differences between you no matter what, so come to an agreement on how to resolve differences. Do not focus on "winning" an argument, instead try to make your partner content as well.
4) Set boundaries - Telling your partner what to do and what not to do in a relationship is essential in respecting their choices and morals. Make sure you do it as soon as possible before anything else.
5) Open up fully to the other person - Expose all of your weaknesses, strengths, secrets, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, practically everything about yourself. Failure to do so is a sign of the lack of trust which is never a good thing. This is the first step in learning to accepting and loving someone.
6) Resolve conflict - Some think that by avoiding conflict, it makes the relationship healthy, quite the opposite. These demonstrate bad skills in handling differences and problems in a relationship because it creates a feeling of insecurity. If you fully open your heart to your partner and they accept you, there should be an unbreakable will to resolve conflicts in order to make the relationship more powerful than ever before. Mature love arises from this.
7) Understand the other person - Always seek to understand the other person's point of view because it makes them feel valued as a person. Asking them how they feel, what they think, what they would do are all healthy in all aspects of a relationship.
In conclusion, you will learn to love the other person as time passes by. I strongly believe that if you follow these important guidelines, your relationship will last for a life-time.
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