I have heard someone's own experienced and it made me think of a lot of things in a relationship. True love does wait, yes, but true love also takes action and no action means no love can form. There is a difference between proactively waiting for someone and merely passively waiting.
Someone i know liked a girl and she liked him back, so what prevented him from actually asking her out? Fear of rejection and perhaps commitment. It was a lack of self-confidence and courage. She made an effort to attract him and kept contact with him even if they had a long-distance friendship. She waited...waited...and waited...nothing..no response..until finally, she stopped waiting and married another man, giving up hope that he would ever make a move. He became so upset that he had become seemingly depressed and obsessed over her.If only he had used all of that time to muster the courage, the willpower, hope, and self-confidence to ask her out, the outcome of his choice may have produced a happy, successful marriage full of life, love, joy, and fulfillment, but what did he choose to focus on? Insecurity, fear, a lack of motivation, hopelessness, and a lack of choice, so that is what he was left with. Waiting patiently for love does not mean dwelling on your flaws, but finding ways to improve, it means being active with your own character. Waiting too long may cause you to lose someone who is in reality a potential mate. It was by your own failure to act that you lost someone so dear to you and before you realize it..it's too late, attraction fades followed by hope. You may hurt the other person which would then cause them to stop waiting for you and move on with their lives.
For those of you in this situation, what will you do? Will you keep improving as you wait or will you just be waiting without any intention of taking action towards the person you have affection for? Think about the choices you make or don't make because one way or another, the outcome could go in your favor or you will find yourself completely lost in despair, guilt, depression, loss of confidence, and regret that you did not take action when the time had come.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
How to know if you truly like someone
There is a huge difference between liking and loving a person. A crush on a particular person is still young and can feel wonderful, but there is a immature mindset for establishing a dating relationship based on your reasons for "liking" someone. These are just a few reasons why that is:
1) Attractiveness - Just because you are extremely attracted to a handsome man, does not mean he would make a good partner. A very beautiful and attractive woman does not mean that she has genuine intentions or an honest lifestyle. Beauty can be very deceitful. What if that person gets old? what then? Or what if they manipulate you by using their attractiveness for selfish reasons, not because they actually love you or care about you? Yes, attractiveness would make the relationship better, but it would be wise to listen to the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
2) Money and abilities - Perhaps the person you admire has a lot of money and can support you, but this is also not a good reason to date someone. There could be many reasons for them ending a relationship perhaps because of social status, fortunes, or simply because it was not built upon an appreciation for their person. It would be very hurtful to your partner if all you wanted was money and that could seriously destroy a relationship. Admiring someone because they can play sports very well, play music very well, or possess any other talents such as these is pleasant, but this doesn't prove that they are mature in other areas of life.
3) Superior intelligence - In this modern society, intelligence is becoming valued more than before, however i'll advise you to still be careful because intelligence alone can be quite dangerous. You put yourself at risk for dating someone with intelligence without also knowing more about their personality. Falling head over heels for someone who flashes their intelligence can be just as immature as falling in love with someone who is very attractive. Just because they are intelligent, doesn't mean they have the wisdom to treat you in the way that you should be treated.
Again, these are a few reasons why it is unwise to bond with someone without considering various qualities of their personality such as their behavior, honesty, and genuine love for someone else. In conclusion, i strongly advise you to take the time to examine their character thoroughly by listing different qualities to see if they are a potential mate for life. Only then can you know if you genuinely like them or if it's simply infatuation.
1) Attractiveness - Just because you are extremely attracted to a handsome man, does not mean he would make a good partner. A very beautiful and attractive woman does not mean that she has genuine intentions or an honest lifestyle. Beauty can be very deceitful. What if that person gets old? what then? Or what if they manipulate you by using their attractiveness for selfish reasons, not because they actually love you or care about you? Yes, attractiveness would make the relationship better, but it would be wise to listen to the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
2) Money and abilities - Perhaps the person you admire has a lot of money and can support you, but this is also not a good reason to date someone. There could be many reasons for them ending a relationship perhaps because of social status, fortunes, or simply because it was not built upon an appreciation for their person. It would be very hurtful to your partner if all you wanted was money and that could seriously destroy a relationship. Admiring someone because they can play sports very well, play music very well, or possess any other talents such as these is pleasant, but this doesn't prove that they are mature in other areas of life.
3) Superior intelligence - In this modern society, intelligence is becoming valued more than before, however i'll advise you to still be careful because intelligence alone can be quite dangerous. You put yourself at risk for dating someone with intelligence without also knowing more about their personality. Falling head over heels for someone who flashes their intelligence can be just as immature as falling in love with someone who is very attractive. Just because they are intelligent, doesn't mean they have the wisdom to treat you in the way that you should be treated.
Again, these are a few reasons why it is unwise to bond with someone without considering various qualities of their personality such as their behavior, honesty, and genuine love for someone else. In conclusion, i strongly advise you to take the time to examine their character thoroughly by listing different qualities to see if they are a potential mate for life. Only then can you know if you genuinely like them or if it's simply infatuation.
Friday, August 16, 2013
The dangers of sex before marriage
I am still a virgin and i am not ashamed not to admit it for good reasons. Many have tried to convince me to lose my virginity and maybe even joked about it, but i believe that it's only because i have maintained my "innocence" and youth very well. They may not understand just how powerful and special sex can be.
Why is it so special to wait until marriage and why is it dangerous to do it before? Because when you have sex, you don't just have it, you open your heart and soul to your partner. You are confessing that this is your life partner and you are sure of your commitment. It seems common now that people have sex while they are dating as part of the norm or even on their first date, but there are several problems with this. One is that you may not have taken enough time to see if the other person is truly committed to you or not, so if they break up with you, that's fine because now you know that they probably were never committed in the first place if their reasons for breaking up weren't good enough and by avoiding sex, you keep your heart, mind, body, and soul pure as well as youthful.
You may plan to have sex and think you love the other person, but you really don't if your not even sure just how committed they are to you or even about certain qualities that they didn't show you yet. If all your mate wanted was sex, he can then have an excuse to leave you and what will that leave you with? a baby? A house to take care of? STDs? Furthermore, you have just ruined your chances of fully giving your pure being, blooming with youth and innocence to your real soul-mate if you finally did find them. Sex will not as new, powerful, exciting, passionate adventurous and as emotional as it could have been before. Things could have been far better if you had kept your virginity and now, you have wasted it on past sex partners which is not attractive at all. It just shows that you weren't ready for a mature relationship and if you truly loved the other person as much as you love yourself, you would not have lost your virginity so easily.
Now, when you sleep with your soul-mate, you must live with the consequences. Know that you are essentially also sleeping with past boyfriends/girlfriends as well and if by any chance you have an STD, your partner may have to wear protection for the rest of their life every time they have sex with you. Once again, things did not have to turn out that way if you had waited for the right time to have sex.
Commitment and loyalty are essential to every relationship. Sex is the way of proclaiming that the person you are bonding to is your soul-mate for life and that you are giving absolutely everything you can give to him or her.
Why is it so special to wait until marriage and why is it dangerous to do it before? Because when you have sex, you don't just have it, you open your heart and soul to your partner. You are confessing that this is your life partner and you are sure of your commitment. It seems common now that people have sex while they are dating as part of the norm or even on their first date, but there are several problems with this. One is that you may not have taken enough time to see if the other person is truly committed to you or not, so if they break up with you, that's fine because now you know that they probably were never committed in the first place if their reasons for breaking up weren't good enough and by avoiding sex, you keep your heart, mind, body, and soul pure as well as youthful.
You may plan to have sex and think you love the other person, but you really don't if your not even sure just how committed they are to you or even about certain qualities that they didn't show you yet. If all your mate wanted was sex, he can then have an excuse to leave you and what will that leave you with? a baby? A house to take care of? STDs? Furthermore, you have just ruined your chances of fully giving your pure being, blooming with youth and innocence to your real soul-mate if you finally did find them. Sex will not as new, powerful, exciting, passionate adventurous and as emotional as it could have been before. Things could have been far better if you had kept your virginity and now, you have wasted it on past sex partners which is not attractive at all. It just shows that you weren't ready for a mature relationship and if you truly loved the other person as much as you love yourself, you would not have lost your virginity so easily.
Now, when you sleep with your soul-mate, you must live with the consequences. Know that you are essentially also sleeping with past boyfriends/girlfriends as well and if by any chance you have an STD, your partner may have to wear protection for the rest of their life every time they have sex with you. Once again, things did not have to turn out that way if you had waited for the right time to have sex.
Commitment and loyalty are essential to every relationship. Sex is the way of proclaiming that the person you are bonding to is your soul-mate for life and that you are giving absolutely everything you can give to him or her.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
The dangers of romance
Perhaps you are one of the people who dream of finding prince charming who will treat you like a princess, rescue you from every situation, and do tons of chivalrous, romantic things for you. Maybe you are a man who desires to find a very beautiful woman to share all of your romantic poetry, thoughts, and ideas with. This all seems too good to be true..it is, because it's not true.
Hollywood, movies, films,novels, and the media have been teaching us how to live our love life and how love ought to be. Forget about prince charming because he's never coming for you, cast the dream of that perfect woman away because the outward beauty does not always match the beauty from within. No one is perfect and no one is going to treat you in every perfect way. Romance is simply a fantasy, something that only happens in the movies, that's not how relationships truly are. Fake romance is simply immature infatuation, but i learned that real romance takes time to develop.
Real romance is achieved by taking the time to learn about your partner's desires, passions, and joy. Creatively expressing genuine romantic feelings can create strong passion, but it is not the only thing which holds a relationship together. Too many times have i laughed and jokingly told my friends about the same old songs and flowery language coming from a guy who is trying to win a girl's heart back, why? Because it sounds so fake. If you exaggerate too much, you are only creating a false sense of love. Yes, it's nice to have a nice romantic dinner, candles, baths, and novels, but what good is it without mature love? These things are only decorations, traditions, and trends we sometimes think of as love when it's not. The true power of love comes through respect, commitment, compassion, loyalty, humility, compromise, joy, and intimacy as well. Romantic things such as these will not last forever. In the end, you will get tired of them, but love will renew intimacy with your partner and make passion strong .
Do not misunderstand me, i'm not saying that all romance is bad. It depends on how you use it correctly that can keep igniting passion as the love you share together matures. If your a man and seek to be romantic with your female partner, make sure your words genuinely align with your actions. If your a woman, make sure that your male partner is genuine and do not set unrealistic expectations which create the idea of being in love rather than actual love. Never replace beautiful artwork, flowers, decorations, food, places, novels, etc. with your partner's honest feelings, admiration, respect, sacrifices, respect, kindness, and love that they have for you.
Hollywood, movies, films,novels, and the media have been teaching us how to live our love life and how love ought to be. Forget about prince charming because he's never coming for you, cast the dream of that perfect woman away because the outward beauty does not always match the beauty from within. No one is perfect and no one is going to treat you in every perfect way. Romance is simply a fantasy, something that only happens in the movies, that's not how relationships truly are. Fake romance is simply immature infatuation, but i learned that real romance takes time to develop.
Real romance is achieved by taking the time to learn about your partner's desires, passions, and joy. Creatively expressing genuine romantic feelings can create strong passion, but it is not the only thing which holds a relationship together. Too many times have i laughed and jokingly told my friends about the same old songs and flowery language coming from a guy who is trying to win a girl's heart back, why? Because it sounds so fake. If you exaggerate too much, you are only creating a false sense of love. Yes, it's nice to have a nice romantic dinner, candles, baths, and novels, but what good is it without mature love? These things are only decorations, traditions, and trends we sometimes think of as love when it's not. The true power of love comes through respect, commitment, compassion, loyalty, humility, compromise, joy, and intimacy as well. Romantic things such as these will not last forever. In the end, you will get tired of them, but love will renew intimacy with your partner and make passion strong .
Do not misunderstand me, i'm not saying that all romance is bad. It depends on how you use it correctly that can keep igniting passion as the love you share together matures. If your a man and seek to be romantic with your female partner, make sure your words genuinely align with your actions. If your a woman, make sure that your male partner is genuine and do not set unrealistic expectations which create the idea of being in love rather than actual love. Never replace beautiful artwork, flowers, decorations, food, places, novels, etc. with your partner's honest feelings, admiration, respect, sacrifices, respect, kindness, and love that they have for you.
A few hints on how to have a successful relationship
Most relationships don't work for many reasons. I believe it's because of many problems with the self that prevents it from flourishing. Some people may wait in distress, wondering why their past relationships failed,asking themselves "Why am single? why am i not likable?" It could be the other person's problems, but it can also be their own. If they have a couple of problems can typically ruin a relationship:
* Self-ego - Always demanding your way and thinking your right, expecting your partner to side with you always without listening to their view, and doing what pleases you is arrogant and always destroys the other person's trust, love, compassion, and appreciation that they have for you. You make them feel like a slave doing your will and not actually developing a bond based on understanding and compromising your own way of handling a relationship. You will live single and you will die single if you keep having this kind of pride.
* Poor communication - Failure to express your feelings can damage the relationship by allowing yourself to be abused, but speaking over, arguing, and interrupting the other person shows a lack of compassion, respect, and regard for their feelings, beliefs, values, and voice which hurts the other person. Standing up for yourself does not mean trampling on the other person.
* Selfish demands - If you keep selfishly believing that you are always in the right without compromising your values in order to make the other person satisfied for good reason, they will feel like they are not in a relationship. In the end, your mate will feel like you treat them as if they're always in the wrong, as if your the one better than them, making them feel that they are not worthy of you. When you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes by apologizing or confessing your faults, they will leave you alone with your "right" behavior.
* Refusal to set boundaries - Sometimes, one or neither partner will not set boundaries of what to do and what not to do in order to keep their other partner happy or to not hurt them. Boundaries are essential in keeping partners healthy, but can change over time. Any attempt to forcefully break them can cause your partner to distance themselves from you or end the relationship if pushed too far.
* Refusal to work as one - Often times, you are going to need to change your ways of living or doing things in a relationship in order to keep a stable relationship. Are you willing to do that? if not, future problems will eventually destroy the bond.
* Lack of commitment - You must be faithful, maintaining the relationship even though at times, romantic feelings fade away. Commitment demands that you put in all of your effort into making the relationship thrive. Many just don't want to give their mate their own heart and that is their downfall.
* Lack of love - There is a confusion as to what love means. Some people mistakenly say to others "oh, i saw a very handsome guy/beautiful woman whom i am very attracted to, i love him/her", no they don't. You may think you love a special guy in your class, online, workplace, etc. but you don't if you did not take the time to know him very well, you are not in a relationship with him, and have not took the time to accept him for who he is. If anyone is only attracted to someone because of their appearance, skills, talents, wealth, power, and maybe their display of intelligence does not have mature love, but an immature idea of being in love. If by any chance you get bored with the person, realizing that you never loved them can hurt them a lot and may leave you, taking the pain with them.
If you suffer from these flaws and do not have persistence, responsibility, good communication, loyalty, humility, love, patience, understanding, commitment, unity, and compassion in a relationship, you are not ready for any relationship, simple as that. You must first work on improving yourself first before you can share your heart with another person. It takes a lot of hard work and time. Here are a couple of tips i learned that you must realize and do:
1) Focus on your self - Some people are under the illusion that by finding a life partner, they will find happiness when it's actually something within themselves that they need to correct. A relationship is the last thing you need when it comes to these situations, since you will only run a risk of ruining the relationship. You don't find happiness in a relationship, you share that happiness that you have with the other person, therefore you must improve your self to where you would make the relationship stable.
2) Break your self-ego and commit to the other person - Lose the "ok, i'm bored with this person, so now i'm going to find someone else.." mentality because that will spread like cancer and destroy the relationship. You must be loyal and dedicate yourself to fulfill your partners needs. Commitment is more than just resisting the temptation to seek attention from someone who is not your soul-mate, it is the strong will to
3) Compromise on your standards - At times, you must surrender what you want in order to do what your partner wants. Your partner may not always side with you, but if you truly accept their character, choosing on "our way" instead of "my way" is the only option. There will be differences between you no matter what, so come to an agreement on how to resolve differences. Do not focus on "winning" an argument, instead try to make your partner content as well.
4) Set boundaries - Telling your partner what to do and what not to do in a relationship is essential in respecting their choices and morals. Make sure you do it as soon as possible before anything else.
5) Open up fully to the other person - Expose all of your weaknesses, strengths, secrets, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, practically everything about yourself. Failure to do so is a sign of the lack of trust which is never a good thing. This is the first step in learning to accepting and loving someone.
6) Resolve conflict - Some think that by avoiding conflict, it makes the relationship healthy, quite the opposite. These demonstrate bad skills in handling differences and problems in a relationship because it creates a feeling of insecurity. If you fully open your heart to your partner and they accept you, there should be an unbreakable will to resolve conflicts in order to make the relationship more powerful than ever before. Mature love arises from this.
7) Understand the other person - Always seek to understand the other person's point of view because it makes them feel valued as a person. Asking them how they feel, what they think, what they would do are all healthy in all aspects of a relationship.
In conclusion, you will learn to love the other person as time passes by. I strongly believe that if you follow these important guidelines, your relationship will last for a life-time.
* Self-ego - Always demanding your way and thinking your right, expecting your partner to side with you always without listening to their view, and doing what pleases you is arrogant and always destroys the other person's trust, love, compassion, and appreciation that they have for you. You make them feel like a slave doing your will and not actually developing a bond based on understanding and compromising your own way of handling a relationship. You will live single and you will die single if you keep having this kind of pride.
* Poor communication - Failure to express your feelings can damage the relationship by allowing yourself to be abused, but speaking over, arguing, and interrupting the other person shows a lack of compassion, respect, and regard for their feelings, beliefs, values, and voice which hurts the other person. Standing up for yourself does not mean trampling on the other person.
* Selfish demands - If you keep selfishly believing that you are always in the right without compromising your values in order to make the other person satisfied for good reason, they will feel like they are not in a relationship. In the end, your mate will feel like you treat them as if they're always in the wrong, as if your the one better than them, making them feel that they are not worthy of you. When you refuse to acknowledge your mistakes by apologizing or confessing your faults, they will leave you alone with your "right" behavior.
* Refusal to set boundaries - Sometimes, one or neither partner will not set boundaries of what to do and what not to do in order to keep their other partner happy or to not hurt them. Boundaries are essential in keeping partners healthy, but can change over time. Any attempt to forcefully break them can cause your partner to distance themselves from you or end the relationship if pushed too far.
* Refusal to work as one - Often times, you are going to need to change your ways of living or doing things in a relationship in order to keep a stable relationship. Are you willing to do that? if not, future problems will eventually destroy the bond.
* Lack of commitment - You must be faithful, maintaining the relationship even though at times, romantic feelings fade away. Commitment demands that you put in all of your effort into making the relationship thrive. Many just don't want to give their mate their own heart and that is their downfall.
* Lack of love - There is a confusion as to what love means. Some people mistakenly say to others "oh, i saw a very handsome guy/beautiful woman whom i am very attracted to, i love him/her", no they don't. You may think you love a special guy in your class, online, workplace, etc. but you don't if you did not take the time to know him very well, you are not in a relationship with him, and have not took the time to accept him for who he is. If anyone is only attracted to someone because of their appearance, skills, talents, wealth, power, and maybe their display of intelligence does not have mature love, but an immature idea of being in love. If by any chance you get bored with the person, realizing that you never loved them can hurt them a lot and may leave you, taking the pain with them.
If you suffer from these flaws and do not have persistence, responsibility, good communication, loyalty, humility, love, patience, understanding, commitment, unity, and compassion in a relationship, you are not ready for any relationship, simple as that. You must first work on improving yourself first before you can share your heart with another person. It takes a lot of hard work and time. Here are a couple of tips i learned that you must realize and do:
1) Focus on your self - Some people are under the illusion that by finding a life partner, they will find happiness when it's actually something within themselves that they need to correct. A relationship is the last thing you need when it comes to these situations, since you will only run a risk of ruining the relationship. You don't find happiness in a relationship, you share that happiness that you have with the other person, therefore you must improve your self to where you would make the relationship stable.
2) Break your self-ego and commit to the other person - Lose the "ok, i'm bored with this person, so now i'm going to find someone else.." mentality because that will spread like cancer and destroy the relationship. You must be loyal and dedicate yourself to fulfill your partners needs. Commitment is more than just resisting the temptation to seek attention from someone who is not your soul-mate, it is the strong will to
3) Compromise on your standards - At times, you must surrender what you want in order to do what your partner wants. Your partner may not always side with you, but if you truly accept their character, choosing on "our way" instead of "my way" is the only option. There will be differences between you no matter what, so come to an agreement on how to resolve differences. Do not focus on "winning" an argument, instead try to make your partner content as well.
4) Set boundaries - Telling your partner what to do and what not to do in a relationship is essential in respecting their choices and morals. Make sure you do it as soon as possible before anything else.
5) Open up fully to the other person - Expose all of your weaknesses, strengths, secrets, feelings, thoughts, beliefs, practically everything about yourself. Failure to do so is a sign of the lack of trust which is never a good thing. This is the first step in learning to accepting and loving someone.
6) Resolve conflict - Some think that by avoiding conflict, it makes the relationship healthy, quite the opposite. These demonstrate bad skills in handling differences and problems in a relationship because it creates a feeling of insecurity. If you fully open your heart to your partner and they accept you, there should be an unbreakable will to resolve conflicts in order to make the relationship more powerful than ever before. Mature love arises from this.
7) Understand the other person - Always seek to understand the other person's point of view because it makes them feel valued as a person. Asking them how they feel, what they think, what they would do are all healthy in all aspects of a relationship.
In conclusion, you will learn to love the other person as time passes by. I strongly believe that if you follow these important guidelines, your relationship will last for a life-time.
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