I had the need to write about this topic after many years of pondering on it. With changing attitudes in society, virginity has been shunned. It's seen as a tradition to be done away with. It's a religious dogma that teaches you to be enslaved to total abstinence for the rest of your life. Virginity is something to be feared and despised. However i reject these notions. I'm writing this to simply offer a new perspective that might inspire your decisions.
What is pre-marital sex? While many say it's sex before marriage, i define it as sex before commitment. This isn't just any commitment, it is a commitment to your partner and yourself. It's an accountability for all the consequences of your actions.
Thus, having sex before you are emotionally, physically, and mentally stable is unwise. Why? For many reasons i'll address after i delve into a few objections:
"Virginity is not important" - You may as well go a step further and say life is not important. Sex can be dangerous to your health and emotional well-being. This is YOUR body we're talking about. It should not be given away so casually and carelessly.
"Virginity is a stone age tradition that should be erased" - I can agree to some degree but not all traditions should be erased. Traditions are such an important of our lives whether it's celebrating the holidays, customs, festivals, religious observances, music, and so forth. Traditions bring human existence into life. It's what makes us who we are. Without them, life would be boring. Our ancient history would be erased. We would lose our identity in the face of technology if we abandoned traditions. Even if virginity is a tradition, it should still be valued.
"Virginity is a way for men to control women" - If that were true, it'd be very inconvenient for sexually hungry men. Virginity is not a way of oppression for women. It may seem as if parents, teachers, and others want to control you. I wouldn't be surprised if some did. However, never ignore the possibility that they're trying to do what's best for you. It can be very easy for pride to get in the way of sound judgment.
"Everyone's having pre-marital sex" - If you base your actions on popularity, your going to be very disappointed. How do you know everyone is having pre-marital sex? Have you talked to every single person on earth? No. You may think that something is wrong with you because sex is so popular but your the one putting that image in your head. When you stop allowing yourself to be defined by the norm, you come to your own individuality. Even if everyone's having sex, so what? You make your own decisions. You control your own life, not others.
"Pre-marital sex will make you more mature" - This is based on an immature understanding of maturity. Having sex in general will not make you more or less of a person. It's your motives behind it. There are many people who stated that sex was nothing more than a biological function. Maturity is based on making wise choices that are best for you. Maturity means taking responsibility for your actions and living by your values. This cannot be achieved only by how many people you've slept with.
"If i have more experience, i'll have better sex with my partner" - This reasoning is bound to hurt you when you realize your setting yourself up for a conditional temporal love. Someone who deeply loves you will not care about experience, but about your love. Yes you can choose to get "experience" by having many sexual partners before you settle down for the right. However no amount of experience can overcome the power of love, trust, and acceptance of a couple who chooses to experience sex together. When you choose to experience sex with many partners, you have chosen them over your life-long mate. It may be fine if your mate comes to accept your past but the consequence is still there. By choosing to be highly experienced, you wind up alone because you'll be one step ahead of your partner.
Now why am i against pre-marital sex?
The consequences - As many have already mentioned, the cons of pre-marital sex are STD's, pregnancy, but also emotional scars. While birth control may help prevent the spread of STD's, it won't protect you against the emotional side effects. While some people can handle pre-marital sex under certain circumstances, others can't. People may feel guilty for having sex with a partner whom they thought loved them only to be used. They may resent themselves for giving their body to someone who held little value over them. There eventually comes a point where the doctors can only do so much for you. Your first time can make sex such an amazing experience or it can shape it in a negative light.
Lack of maturity - Many people do not understand the meaning of sex. Sex isn't a game or a tool for manipulation. It's not something that should be had simply because your insecure about who you are. I know when i was young, i had very immature views on love and relationships. My expectations changed but this came from many experiences. When you can humbly admit to yourself that you are not ready for sex, you are ready to receive true wisdom.
In conclusion, you shouldn't be in a rush to give up your virginity so soon. Life is full of so much more than sex. Take your time in experiencing your interests, passions, values, beliefs, and yourself. Sex ought to be experienced when both partners are committed to the well-being of one another.
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