Behaviors that kill attraction

Many people male and female commit several mistakes when attempting to attract one another. These types of toxic attitudes are harmfully rooted in false beliefs of love, negativity, and selfishness. To be more successful, you must ultimately rely on your own ability to attract others. Be watchful of these attraction-killers: 

* Desperation - Looking for signals, constant contact with your crush, worrying about losing him or her, etc. are all signs of desperation. When you choose to be clingy, you decrease your chances of getting a date. People think that by constantly contacting a crush, they are increasing attraction but this is wrong. They are actually behaving out of desperation. Consider how your crush feels when you make him or her feel suffocated by your behavior. Any attraction that was once present quickly fades. Attraction takes alot of patience to build. To be successful, give your crush freedom. When you get to a point where you have confessed your feelings for one another, say something casual like 

You: "I'd like to take you out on a date sometime so we can have some fun, what do you say?" 

Crush: "Hmm...i'm not sure...." 

You: "Well...here's my contact info, let me know if your up for it.." 

After that, do not contact your crush at all. Give him or her time to come up with a decision. Gradually give your crush a little time and effort until you both can enter into a committed relationship. Fear is rooted in negative thoughts such as "what if i lose her? What if i do something wrong? What if she doesn't like me?" In reality, you are doing nothing wrong. It's only when you allow these negative thoughts to define you that you lose your attractiveness. The best option to take is to think positively and take comfort that everything's fine. If you lose her, you will still keep on living. Think of potential mates as a range of choices rather than focusing solely on one person. 

* Hiding your flaws - When you show dishonesty about who you are, you ruin your chances of a relationship. Sure, you may still lose her but at least you showed honesty. Your best option is to gradually reveal your flaws and explain how you are working to overcome them. If your crush accepts them, only then can a strong relationship form. 

* Selfish expectations - Expecting crushes to conform to your manipulative, controlling, and abusive behavior will automatically ruin attraction. You are not entitled to your crush. You are not even entitled to your spouse. Your admirer has the freedom and independence to leave you at any given moment. Love is not the source of pain, selfish expectations are. That being said, stop thinking about what you want and think about what is in the best interest of your crush. Be supportive at all times even if you don't end up together. Let go of selfish expectations and you will free yourself from unnecessary pain. 

Reflect on the types of behavior that might be causing you to ruin your attractiveness and correct them. Learning what not to do is as important as learning healthy boundaries to maintain in your interactions with others. 

How to never be played again

If you clicked on this blog, you've probably been led on by guys or girls. You may feel angry, frustrated, depressed, sad, asking yourself "how can people treat me this way?" It's very easy to get into a negative cycle which is why i decided to write some tips that will help you break it. Being played hurts which is why you must channel negative energy into a positive and lively force. Stop making excuses for why you cannot date again. Stop using the mistakes of the past to define who you are now. Take a stand for what matters most to you. Take control of your life now and never be played again. When you are the one attracted to another person, here are steps you can take:

* Ask yourself: "Is he/she available?" - Players may already have a lover, work, school, or lack trust. Without trust, players cannot be emotionally available. Whatever the situation is, players won't make themselves available for commitment. It also depends on the types of people you chase after or allow in your life. If you find yourself accepting people who are unavailable for a relationship, look for those who are.

* Ask yourself: "How does he/she treat you and others?" - Does your crush present him or herself genuinely? Is your crush too perfect? If that's the case, your crush is probably hiding flaws he or she doesn't want you to know about. Does your crush constantly compliment you with insincerity? Call you names? Flirt? How does your crush treat those around you? If he or she gossips or disrespects other potential mates for fear of losing you, it's a warning sign. How will you know your crush won't ditch you as soon as they find another suitable partner? Players are looking for an ego boost. They want to feel desirable and will often look for a reaction from you without the intent of a relationship. If they neglect building a strong friendship, they are likely playing you.

* Stand up for yourself - Stop letting yourself be someone else's little play thing. Be assertive in what you will and will not tolerate. You control your own actions, not others. You can choose to deny any unwanted advances at any moment.

* Realize not everyone is going to lead you on - There are bad people in the world but there are also good people. Not everyone is the same. There will be people who won't lead you on. The key is to know where to look and how. If you feel insecure about who to trust, meet new people. You don't have to necessarily date anyone. Just seek simple friendships and go from there. When you realize there are many options available to you, the pressure to keep your guard up will disappear.

I hope that one day, you will remove toxic people from your life and be one step closer to finding your soulmate.

Women and sexuality

In our society, men are widely praised for their sexuality while women are revered mostly for their purity. Men are stereotyped as crazed sex fiends and women are emotional creatures. While this may seem like common sense, it isn't. You can't just group one group of people together and draw a conclusion without considering the diversity of possibilities.

How do stereotypes form? Psychologically, it's due to a "fill in the blanks" approach. For anything people don't understand, they make up by associating it with similar values or ideals. Men and women have been oppressed because of mistaken views of gender. Misunderstandings then lead to things such as hate crimes against either sex. If a woman mentions a sexual fantasy, she is automatically branded a slut while men are encouraged to sleep with her. Why the double standard?

While this may seem far from the norm, i support a new age of sexuality for women and men alike. I support women who are sexually open to their deepest desires and sensuality. If a woman wants to masturbate, twerk, strip, pose nude, etc. go for it. She's not a slut or any less human. It doesn't mean i am degrading her for my own self male ego. Women shouldn't be told to their good for sex, but they also shouldn't be told that they're only defined by their personality. Mind, body, and soul ought to exist as one. There's nothing wrong with women expressing one of the deepest urges in human nature as long as no one's hurt.

Sexuality is something that is ought to be celebrated whether you are a virgin or not, single or married, and so forth. Sadly, most people shame others for it. Women ought to pride themselves in what makes them feel sexually attractive. It's simply a forced ideal that women care more about emotions before sex. Women who are in tune with their sexual prowess want sex for the same reasons men desire it. Their desires may differ from men's but that's the beauty of human diversity. Some women love sex, some don't. Some like oral sex, some don't. Some love foreplay and others hate it. No matter how "strange" people find it, no woman asks to get raped or humiliated.

Taken into perspective, men and women ought to embrace their sexuality. If we are to co-exist in a world of harmony, we must be open to understanding one another and cast out our pre-conceived notions.

What i find attractive in women:

Attractiveness to me is more than just appearance. It's a mindset and an attitude. That being said, here's a list of traits i find most attractive in women:

* Physical attractiveness - It's a plus for me but not the driving force. If i am to pursue a deeper relationship with someone, i must find them physically appealing. They don't have to be models. In fact, i'd rather them not be. Models invest too much time in looking perfect and i know it's all in an illusion. Average looks are fine with me.

* Talent - Having a passion or a hobby is very attractive. This can be anything from reading, writing, sports, etc. I love the idea of women devoting themselves to what they love most.

* Intellect - I find intelligent women to be highly attractive. I don't mind flirting, teasing, laughing, talking about popular fashion or shows but i'd prefer sitting at a table and having an intelligent discussion. It can range anything from art, music, politics, religion, science, philosophy, and so on. I want to engage in thought-provoking dialogue and ponder the grandeur scheme of things. If i'm not familiar with a particular topic, i'll admit it and listen with open ears.

* Confidence - It doesn't have to be perfect, but it also shouldn't be completely non-existent either. I don't want to hear self-degrading comments. I love a woman who can stand her ground in the face of opposition and who believes in herself.

* Honesty - A woman who can speak her mind without fear is worth keeping. She will help you realize certain flaws and strengths you may not realize within yourself. A woman doesn't need to be intimidating, simply speak the Truth.

* Humor - She doesn't need to be a successful comedian, but she should love to laugh. Talking to someone who is serious all the time is a turn off. It makes them unapproachable. Someone who playfully teases me, jokes around, and so forth is very easy to love. A great sense of humor goes a long way.

* Sexiness - While this isn't a requirement, being sexually attractive makes sex easier to get into. A woman can be as beautiful as can be but if she isn't sexually appealing, i'm not going to be turned on. A woman who is comfortable being sexy and in her body is attractive. She knows she's a sex object, but an individual with a great body.

* Respect - This is a must have. Respect is a line that should never be violated regardless of the circumstances. Crossing that boundary will make me easily lose attraction fast.

Tips on preventing cheating

Cheating is a common problem among many couples both young and old. It's glamorized in many movies and shows today but shamed in the real world. Cheating is a very serious offense both physically and emotionally. Many homicides are committed by ex-lovers involved in scandals. It can damage your reputation and destroy your trust. Nevertheless, there is help before you do something you'll regret.

* Admit that your attracted to another -

You may be afraid and deeply concerned that your developing strong feelings towards another person other than your current partner. It's completely normal. We are not hardwired for just one person. You shouldn't feel guilty that you have someone else in your mind. Realize that eventually at some point in life, the attraction will fade.

* Talk with your partner about your attraction - It might seem scary and ridiculous at the thought of telling your partner that he or she isn't the only one in your heart. Many people fear that if he or she opens up about any sort of attraction towards another special person, their relationship will end. Truthfully, this isn't the case. If you talk to your partner about the person your attracted to, it displays honesty and trust. It shows that you love and care about your partner enough to seek help before cheating happens. If your partner is understanding and loving, he or she will help you prevent cheating rather than blame you. In order for this to be successful, you must choose your words very carefully. Don't make it sound as if you already cheated to prevent misunderstanding.

* Advocate for your own needs and wants - You must be in tune with your desires in a relationship in order to advocate for them. Know what you want and then express them to your partner. In order for any relationship to work, both partners must attend to each others desires.

* Establish effective communication - Sometimes, we fail to honestly say how we truly feel about one another. It can be very easy for partners to misunderstand one another which is why conversations are important. We're not mind readers. We must communicate through words to express ourselves. Sometimes, a partner can be so occupied with work for instance and leave you feel like he or she doesn't love you when he or she thinks otherwise. Everyone has their own unique ways of showing love and in some cases, people can be confused as to what their partner truly wants. Be sure to let your partner know about your own desires and see how they react.

* Establish healthy boundaries - If someone is acting inappropriately towards you, be sure to let him or her know that you are married and won't tolerate that behavior. As for your partner, make agreements as to how you will interact with other people to avoid potential cheating. If you find yourself on the verge of violating your relationship with an extra-marital affair, distance yourself from all situations and people that tempt you until it wears away.

* Don't excuse cheating - If your partner isn't meeting your desires, it's time to end the relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. There is no motive to "get their attention" by cheating as that can easily be done by breaking up with them. Find someone else who will fulfill your desires.

With patience, love, and understanding - a couple can overcome obstacles such as cheating. Let me know your thoughts below and subscribe.

How to be secure in your sexual orientation

Whether your straight, bisexual, lesbian, gay, pansexual, whatever - you've probably found yourself violating your own principles. You find yourself attracted to someone or something completely forbidden. Your afraid and begin to question if you ever were straight or gay in the first place. You begin to be afraid of what your parents, spouse, friends, and other family members would think of you. Slowly, you begin to fear the thought of changing your sexual orientation. You may hide self conflicting thoughts by celebrating your straight or LGBT pride, hoping that it will go away only to find that it doesn't. If you are insecure in regards to your sexuality, your not alone. Although i'm straight, i've struggled with all sorts of sexual desires namely other men. From experience, i'll share just a few tips on how to overcome this anxiety.


* Admit the problem - Admit that your attracted to whatever it is your trying to deny. Guys, it's ok to admit that your attracted to other guys. Girls, it's ok to admit that your attracted to other girls. Stop trying to hide it and pretend that it doesn't exist. The sooner you can be honest with yourself, the sooner you can find ways to resolve internal conflict.

* Realize sexual orientation is a choice - Being straight or LGBT is a choice. Just because you feel gay, doesn't make you so. You are of a sexual orientation by choice. While being "born that way" plays a role, your sexual choices determine who you ultimately are. Think about answering this question: Who do you plan on being in a relationship with a guy or girl, multiple people, etc.? When you find the answer within yourself, your one step closer to being secure in your sexuality.

* Attraction is temporary - Any "forbidden" attraction will eventually fade or be significantly reduced. Just because you have sexual fantasies in conflict with your sexual orientation, doesn't mean you'll act on them. Accept that it's a normal part of being human. Fantasize about whatever it is you deem a big no no. I know it seems scary and crazy, but it works. When you sexually fantasize on the things that you feel goes against your standards, you become less afraid knowing that it is only a fantasy. It has no power over you unless you grant it.

* Accept that questioning is normal - When we "come out" as gay or bisexual or any other orientation, we tend to think that our identity is already established. This is wrong. Your identity can never be established by one single incident. Coming out of the closet is only the beginning. You will face many problems namely doubt later in life. The beauty of it all is that you will never stop learning more about yourself, including your sexuality.

* Get support - It's normal to question and express yourself. If you have friends or family whom you identify with, talk to them about your feelings. If they condemn you for being a "phony" according to their politically correct standards, it's time to find others who'll accept you.

* Change your outlook on gender - If you struggle with a identity crisis, it's time to redefine your perceptions of who women and men are. No matter what, we are biologically hardwired to find people in general attractive. Society often tells us how men and women ought to behave and we adopt these ideas without realizing it. Stop looking to others for approval and look within yourself. You can compliment a person without having your masculinity or femininity threatened. Feel free to express your own individuality.

* Stop labeling yourself - Thinking "oh what if i was never gay in the first place? What if i was always straight?" only worsens the situation. When you try to diagnose yourself with a problem, your contributing to it. There is nothing wrong with you. You don't need to redefine yourself based on what a community outlines. You are your own unique person and so, you should embrace what makes you different.

Just because you find a certain someone attractive be it a lesbian, gay man, straight guy or gal, etc. doesn't make you any less of a person. We all have doubts about who we are but eventually we learn how to overcome our deepest fears. Take a breath of fresh air. Enjoy life when you see that you can have an unusual attraction, laugh it off, and continue being yourself.

Why the friendzone is the best place to be

We've all heard that the friend zone is the most terrible to be. If you get friendzoned, expect to be labeled a loser in need of advice. This is flat out wrong. Many people think of dating as if it were a game they play with all the right moves to achieve their goal. When they get "friend-zoned", they automatically think they did something wrong. This is an immature and naive mindset. Some people put others in the friendzone for many reasons. So many people fall in and out of destructive relationships because they don't understand the value of a friendship. Being friend-zoned has many benefits:

* You have time to know each other - When you have a crush on a person, you tend to forget about many things (their flaws, interests, etc.) You just rush in and date them, hoping for a successful relationship. If the relationship lacks comparability and understanding, the relationship is doomed. When your in the friend-zone, you have time to see who the person truly is.

* Your less likely to be fooled - Trying to date people at a bar or club isn't wise. You don't know what kind of person your getting into. They could be anyone: A sex offender, an abuser, a cheating spouse, a player, etc. By choosing the friend-zone, you choose to stay safe. People who intend to play you are less likely to stick around if you put them in the friend-zone. If you lose friends, it won't hurt as much as if it were a broken relationship.

* There's no pressure - When you like someone, you are pressured to turn him or her into a date. This can be very discouraging if you get rejected. By choosing the friendship route, you remove that pressure almost completely. You can continue to know that special person without having something to prove. If he or she loses attraction to you, it's not your fault. If you have a crush on someone, you can keep it a secret and no harm will be done. If you lose attraction, it's also not your fault. It simply means it was only a temporary crush.

* You have time to assess the person - When your in the friend-zone, you have time to decide whether or not you want to date a person. Furthermore, you have time to decide if your potential partners are worth-while friends. Are they honest? Are they trustworthy? Are they loyal? Or do they impatiently waiting for you to ask him or her out? People can be selfish so by weeding them out, you remove the negative people out of your life.

Long lasting attraction takes time to build so it might as well start in the friendship. The friendzone draws the focus away from the idea of love and into knowing a person. Many people don't understand the value of friendship hence why we have many failed relationships. People's expectations hurt them because they're only thinking of themselves. When we stop expecting people to go out with us, we free ourselves from the pain of rejection.