As a very young man, i had always thought that perfection was everything. It was my dream to one day find someone who would accept me for who i am. In Truth, i selfishly wanted both of our histories to be pure and clean with nothing coming between us. Sometimes when it comes to a girl i like, we get into fights. I wished for a more perfect ideal woman who has everything: beauty, love, compassion, honesty, dignity, and so on. In fact, i actually found some. The moment was right there when some were waiting for me to make a move. I've had no conflicts with them and they had the qualities i was looking for but to my surprise..i turned them down. Now you may ask why did i do it? Because they were too good for me. Yes they had everything i ever wanted at first glance, but when i finally got it i realized it wasn't what i wanted. It's too easy to love someone only when he/she does good but what about the bad? Is our love cheap to the point where we would abandon a person because of past mistakes?
This is why i will never marry someone who is perfect. I'd rather suffer with a flawed person whom people scoff at. I would choose the person who is undeserving because that is how true love grows. When we can love each other unconditionally. I would want to be with someone who has hurt me because i know if we can overcome small conflicts, we can overcome anything. In spite of all of our flaws, i would want a love that can never be broken.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
The types of guys/girls you shouldn't go for
My friend broke up with his girlfriend after she posed topless for him online. He said that he was fed up with her excuses. It was then that i took influence on the types of people you should be cautious of drawn from experiences. I'm going to give some tips on the types of people you should not start a relationship with.
1. Someone with low self esteem - Do not go for someone who has problems with confidence. Do not fall for their pleas of needing a partner because they feel lonely. Do not fall for someone who is pessimistic either. These people have a problem with themselves that needs to be worked on otherwise they will drain the positive energy out of you. If they can't appreciate themselves, how will they appreciate you?
2. Someone who can't protect you - Does he/she protect you when your in trouble? If not, he/she isn't worth keeping. He/she won't be able to do it when you need it the most. You deserve someone who respects you enough to defend you.
3. Someone who is indecisive - Someone who doesn't know what he/she wants is someone you should absolutely keep at a distance. Nothing kills a relationship faster than someone who wavers between "yes" and "no" to everything. Chances are their character is very unstable.
4. Someone who flirts around - If you catch someone flirting with others, chances are they're not looking to be serious. How do you know they won't go for someone better? How do you know they're genuine and serious about you? Don't take these people seriously nor waste time on them.
5. Someone who does not commit - Back then, guys could do everything as the girl sat back. Now, times have changed. It's no longer ok for the wife to stay at home while the husband is the breadwinner. Love is earned, not given. A person can be spoiled only if he/she has earned those privileges. Anyone who isn't willing to work to keep you needs to just get out of your way. Don't mess around with an irresponsible kid.
6. Someone who's taken - It's ok to be attracted to another's boy/girl, but at tempting to take someone else's mate is serious. You and others could be killed over cheating, so don't do it!
7. Someone who can't explain themselves - If a person can't explain why they like you, there's a good chance it's infatuation or deception. Someone who can list your good qualities will likely be committed.
8. Someone obsessed over work/hobbies - Some have too much investments on things that they have no time for you. Realize these people are unattainable and move on.
9. Someone isn't honest - If a person has to hide behind signals vs. direct communication, that's a bad sign. If a person can't say what they want and how they feel, that shows alot (mistrust, lack of identity, etc.) and the relationship will end in a break up. How can you expect changes to be made if the person has chosen to hide their innermost feelings?
10. Someone with a bad reputation - While you should not care what others think of you, reputation does play a role if it's by several friends knowing your crush. If he/she is known for being unfaithful or has a criminal record, be cautious. Gain advice from friends and family. Talk to his/girl past lovers if any and see why they ended the relationship. Realize that if this person is abusive, violent, or has a severe mental disorder, you are responsible for the choice that you make. Anything that happens in the future will be based on your decision.
Watch out for these types unless they change. Even if they do, evaluate the pros and cons thoroughly. Until then, don't hit on them.
1. Someone with low self esteem - Do not go for someone who has problems with confidence. Do not fall for their pleas of needing a partner because they feel lonely. Do not fall for someone who is pessimistic either. These people have a problem with themselves that needs to be worked on otherwise they will drain the positive energy out of you. If they can't appreciate themselves, how will they appreciate you?
2. Someone who can't protect you - Does he/she protect you when your in trouble? If not, he/she isn't worth keeping. He/she won't be able to do it when you need it the most. You deserve someone who respects you enough to defend you.
3. Someone who is indecisive - Someone who doesn't know what he/she wants is someone you should absolutely keep at a distance. Nothing kills a relationship faster than someone who wavers between "yes" and "no" to everything. Chances are their character is very unstable.
4. Someone who flirts around - If you catch someone flirting with others, chances are they're not looking to be serious. How do you know they won't go for someone better? How do you know they're genuine and serious about you? Don't take these people seriously nor waste time on them.
5. Someone who does not commit - Back then, guys could do everything as the girl sat back. Now, times have changed. It's no longer ok for the wife to stay at home while the husband is the breadwinner. Love is earned, not given. A person can be spoiled only if he/she has earned those privileges. Anyone who isn't willing to work to keep you needs to just get out of your way. Don't mess around with an irresponsible kid.
6. Someone who's taken - It's ok to be attracted to another's boy/girl, but at tempting to take someone else's mate is serious. You and others could be killed over cheating, so don't do it!
7. Someone who can't explain themselves - If a person can't explain why they like you, there's a good chance it's infatuation or deception. Someone who can list your good qualities will likely be committed.
8. Someone obsessed over work/hobbies - Some have too much investments on things that they have no time for you. Realize these people are unattainable and move on.
9. Someone isn't honest - If a person has to hide behind signals vs. direct communication, that's a bad sign. If a person can't say what they want and how they feel, that shows alot (mistrust, lack of identity, etc.) and the relationship will end in a break up. How can you expect changes to be made if the person has chosen to hide their innermost feelings?
10. Someone with a bad reputation - While you should not care what others think of you, reputation does play a role if it's by several friends knowing your crush. If he/she is known for being unfaithful or has a criminal record, be cautious. Gain advice from friends and family. Talk to his/girl past lovers if any and see why they ended the relationship. Realize that if this person is abusive, violent, or has a severe mental disorder, you are responsible for the choice that you make. Anything that happens in the future will be based on your decision.
Watch out for these types unless they change. Even if they do, evaluate the pros and cons thoroughly. Until then, don't hit on them.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Why jealousy is dangerous
We may have grown up to believe that jealousy is a sign of love and it might be true to an extent, but jealousy can become hazardous to your health. If you keep making someone jealous, negative feelings and anxiety will creep in along with many other unwanted emotions. You have no idea what kind of person your dealing with. What's worse is that the person may be jealous because he/she is abusive in nature, not the loving partner you idealize. Pure jealousy can turn people into animals and i've seen it happen before. Guys/girls get violent and physically fight their rivals or simply kill them. It can cause people to hate each other and worse, cause people to change once comparisons are made. The person crushing on you may feel that he/she has to be colder, stronger, richer, talented, etc. to get ahead when it has nothing to do with that.
People can end up in a prison cell or a grave over jealousy if it isn't treated right away so what's the cure? Stop being needy. You cannot force someone to be in a relationship with you, so you should stop trying. There are many things in life that you cannot control and this is one of them. Let him/her exercise their free will and free yourself of paranoia because it has nothing to do with your self worth. In the meantime, be confident and secure in who you are as a person. If he/she says "..this other guy/girl treats me right.." brush it off and say "ok." Show him/her that you don't need them to be happy. If it's true love then the person will choose you in the end.
People can end up in a prison cell or a grave over jealousy if it isn't treated right away so what's the cure? Stop being needy. You cannot force someone to be in a relationship with you, so you should stop trying. There are many things in life that you cannot control and this is one of them. Let him/her exercise their free will and free yourself of paranoia because it has nothing to do with your self worth. In the meantime, be confident and secure in who you are as a person. If he/she says "..this other guy/girl treats me right.." brush it off and say "ok." Show him/her that you don't need them to be happy. If it's true love then the person will choose you in the end.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Why flirting can bring death
Flirting whether in person or online can be dangerous. You don't know the kind of person your dealing with. You could be flirting with a murderer, a sociopath, a rapist, a child molester, someone with severe mental issues and it could cost you your life. Some think it's ok to harmlessly flirt so long as boundaries are kept, but you have no idea how others would react. I've had guys turn aggressive and violent just for looking at their girl "the wrong way." People can be animals when it comes to relationships. I'm struggling with anger issues and if i had a wife who flirted with another guy whew! I'd lose all control and go on a rampage of violence. I'd be so consumed by anger in such a frenzy that i'd furiously attack my wife along with the guy. I'd put people on life support. I may not do this, but i don't want to find out. Once someone loses it, it's too late to explain yourself. I've made the mistake of flirting around in the past. I thought "I'm going to flirt and then get serious when it comes to a relationship, what's the harm?" It ended in heart break and now i learned my lesson.Your just as responsible for your actions as those around you. They get a cell, but you could get a grave. Ladies and gentlemen is it worth it? Is it worth people getting hurt over it? Losing friends? Your reputation having to suffer? Your spouse leaving you because of it? Is it worth being hospitalized? Is it worth having someone's blood on your hands because you chose to send signals for your own self pleasure? Is it worth losing your legs, eyes, or having to live in a wheelchair for the rest of your life? Will you have enough fun then? How much more damage do you need before you understand that love isn't a game? It's a matter of life and death.
Be smart and be safe. Flirting is safe only when your serious about making a commitment. You can have a fun, exciting, satisfying relationship without the need to mindlessly flirt. Create strong and healthy friendships without the need to analyze what was said and done or whether or not the other person likes you. Focus on creating honest communication and trust.
Be smart and be safe. Flirting is safe only when your serious about making a commitment. You can have a fun, exciting, satisfying relationship without the need to mindlessly flirt. Create strong and healthy friendships without the need to analyze what was said and done or whether or not the other person likes you. Focus on creating honest communication and trust.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
My realization of love
When i was a kid, i had read a book on what it means to find true love in life. The main character goes through several trials, rejections of potential mates because he cannot find a partner comparable to him. He faces pain and at the very end, he is about to give up, when he finds the right one who was meant for him.
It took a while for me to accept this reality of life that God had ordained. We are unique individuals with different experiences. If a relationship doesn't work, it's because personalities and abilities are incompatible. Will he/she ever be committed to you? It depends on who they are and whether they will change or not. God foresees all things, so if it doesn't work out, simply know that the relationship between you and her/him would've never worked out because true love always thrives and creates life. God has plans for you to be prosperous and find someone special for you. Attraction fades over time, it's simply just that attraction. It only works for a while and after that, it ends unless a mature relationship can be established. After that, it will last continuously. You will likely like several people and be hurt by the fact they just weren't for you, but eventually, you will realize the beauty in finding the person for you.
It took a while for me to accept this reality of life that God had ordained. We are unique individuals with different experiences. If a relationship doesn't work, it's because personalities and abilities are incompatible. Will he/she ever be committed to you? It depends on who they are and whether they will change or not. God foresees all things, so if it doesn't work out, simply know that the relationship between you and her/him would've never worked out because true love always thrives and creates life. God has plans for you to be prosperous and find someone special for you. Attraction fades over time, it's simply just that attraction. It only works for a while and after that, it ends unless a mature relationship can be established. After that, it will last continuously. You will likely like several people and be hurt by the fact they just weren't for you, but eventually, you will realize the beauty in finding the person for you.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
A haunting from the past
On my ride to college, i saw a girl with her back facing me...and all i could do was stare at her because she reminded of me of someone i knew, someone i used to have feelings for and admire. All i could ask were questions inside my mind. Could that really be her? Could she really be looking for me? Is this a dream? Is this an illusion? I heard she went back to the same school as a visitor, the same one we went to together. All i could feel was pain and confusion. She rejected me perhaps because of the environment she was in. If we see each other again, i would turn away....i refuse to be sucked into a delusion, i refuse to see her face and hear her telling me that she can now go out with me. I sometimes wonder if it is hope or an illusion that is keeping me wondering about her. She has my contact, she knows where i am. However, i'm not sure if i even want to keep blogging without thinking that she might be reading these posts. I simply need to find a way to move on...
Sunday, November 24, 2013
What moving on means to me
For over many years, i reflected on what it means to "move on" from a past broken relationship. I've failed to create one with a girl i knew back in high school. I feel somewhat ashamed not being able to "move on" in the sense of putting the past behind me. Nevertheless, no matter how much i tried to erase the memory of her from my mind...i could not do it because that's not what moving on means to me. The pain that i felt when i couldn't date her is gone, but the memory still haunts me in a way which is why i refuse to go back to the same school where it happened. I still think about her, not remembering the troubles we had, but cherishing her and the special moments we shared.
Going back to a time when we had our own debates on the world, after one in particular, she had become offended by my line of reasoning and i noticed by her harsh tone of voice. The next day, as i sat down in front of her in a cafeteria, she suddenly said "..I'm sorry.." Surprised, i paused and asked "Why?" She looked very ashamed and confessed "...for being so brutal..." Why? Why apologize to me after a day when most would forget? I admired that about her because none of my friends have such a mentality and even more because i highly respect a person who doesn't fear to face the consequences of their actions.
This was before i had stronger passionate feelings for her. When i did, after i had confessed them to her and tried sending her a letter, she replied "..I wouldn't have replied anyway, but i feel obligated to give an explanation...you have been under the illusion that my refusal to date you was for a general reason...I'm just too young for you.." She tried to make it clear to me earlier. "Your too old..." she told me. How could i not have seen it? I was blind, overlooking age is a mere number. Why can't people past my appearance and recognize me for who i truly am? As a deeply spiritual human being, i had prayed to God for a vision of the future and became heavily disappointed. I saw both of us in parted ways within a gloomy darkness. At that moment, i had felt that it wasn't that God disapproved of the relationship, it was that our very different backgrounds would prevent us from dating. In truth, she gave me the reality and i couldn't accept it. I loved that quality of her very much because she sought reality and wisdom, never placing me above authority.
Nonetheless, i was angry to the point where i refused to attend the graduation ceremony, the time where i should've felt so much pride in my accomplishments and success. I was angry at the people who preached about achieving the "American Dream." An older man once told me "Education is there to help you spread your new ideas.." How dare he tell me that? The same people claiming to defend freedom of speech are the same people who tried to brainwash me to accepting their traditional idealism. They preach about individualism as if there was an endless number of possibilities as to who you could become, something that was obviously not true. I would've gone, regardless if she were my girlfriend or willingly rejected me, i simply wanted to someone to share my accomplishments with, but society as a whole stole that from me. I could probably imagine the principal and my teachers cheering me on as i rose to a quite high level of academic excellence, but if that is what success means, i want no part of it. I refused to be the individual wearing a cap and gown, smiling as i carry my diploma and shaking hands. After knowing that our relationship isn't even illegal and opposing my new ideas, now they want to talk to me about success? It's not selfish since they all did this for me right? If i am to fall in failure then let it be known that i'm the man who fought against an illusion of success perceived as reality. I walked into the school a few days later, took my diploma from a lonely office, and walked away.
In the end, moving on means not forgetting, but remembering the valuable moments that have happened and embracing the experiences that i gained. It means that i cherish every moment of it until there comes a day when i reach a point where i can let go as i am submerged within completely new experiences.
Going back to a time when we had our own debates on the world, after one in particular, she had become offended by my line of reasoning and i noticed by her harsh tone of voice. The next day, as i sat down in front of her in a cafeteria, she suddenly said "..I'm sorry.." Surprised, i paused and asked "Why?" She looked very ashamed and confessed "...for being so brutal..." Why? Why apologize to me after a day when most would forget? I admired that about her because none of my friends have such a mentality and even more because i highly respect a person who doesn't fear to face the consequences of their actions.
This was before i had stronger passionate feelings for her. When i did, after i had confessed them to her and tried sending her a letter, she replied "..I wouldn't have replied anyway, but i feel obligated to give an explanation...you have been under the illusion that my refusal to date you was for a general reason...I'm just too young for you.." She tried to make it clear to me earlier. "Your too old..." she told me. How could i not have seen it? I was blind, overlooking age is a mere number. Why can't people past my appearance and recognize me for who i truly am? As a deeply spiritual human being, i had prayed to God for a vision of the future and became heavily disappointed. I saw both of us in parted ways within a gloomy darkness. At that moment, i had felt that it wasn't that God disapproved of the relationship, it was that our very different backgrounds would prevent us from dating. In truth, she gave me the reality and i couldn't accept it. I loved that quality of her very much because she sought reality and wisdom, never placing me above authority.
Nonetheless, i was angry to the point where i refused to attend the graduation ceremony, the time where i should've felt so much pride in my accomplishments and success. I was angry at the people who preached about achieving the "American Dream." An older man once told me "Education is there to help you spread your new ideas.." How dare he tell me that? The same people claiming to defend freedom of speech are the same people who tried to brainwash me to accepting their traditional idealism. They preach about individualism as if there was an endless number of possibilities as to who you could become, something that was obviously not true. I would've gone, regardless if she were my girlfriend or willingly rejected me, i simply wanted to someone to share my accomplishments with, but society as a whole stole that from me. I could probably imagine the principal and my teachers cheering me on as i rose to a quite high level of academic excellence, but if that is what success means, i want no part of it. I refused to be the individual wearing a cap and gown, smiling as i carry my diploma and shaking hands. After knowing that our relationship isn't even illegal and opposing my new ideas, now they want to talk to me about success? It's not selfish since they all did this for me right? If i am to fall in failure then let it be known that i'm the man who fought against an illusion of success perceived as reality. I walked into the school a few days later, took my diploma from a lonely office, and walked away.
In the end, moving on means not forgetting, but remembering the valuable moments that have happened and embracing the experiences that i gained. It means that i cherish every moment of it until there comes a day when i reach a point where i can let go as i am submerged within completely new experiences.
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